


For Consequence

by Hopeful_Foolx



Series: OTP absolute cinnamon rolls [5]
Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Angst, Blood, Bloodloss, Communication Issues, Elnor whump, Feels, Hugh has a Third of Five Moment, Hurt/Comfort, I'll use the nanos in every fic now guys, Impaled, Like there is a lot of pain, Nanites, Panic Attacks, Queerplatonic Hugh/Elnor, Queerplatonic Relationships, They just don't know how that works yet, We stan queen Seven, What else is new, Whump, they are in love, they will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopeful_Foolx/pseuds/Hopeful_Foolx
Summary: The Artifact, stranded on Coppelius. Hugh has no idea how to proceed, Elnor hates goodbyes but who has time for that when Narissa is still on the Artifact? When all seems lost, Hugh has to make a choice that might not only influence his life, but Elnor's even more, and he has to do it entirely on his own.------As for all parts of the series, knowlegde of the other parts is not neccessarily needed
Relationships: Elnor & Hugh | Third of Five, Elnor & Seven of Nine, Elnor/Hugh | Third of Five, implied Elnor/Hugh
Series: OTP absolute cinnamon rolls [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667231
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14





	1. From the end of the world

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm back at torturing my babies. The usual buisness. I'm sorry it took so long to come up with this part, but real life and all that... As usual, I'm not an english person, I am not perfect, my language isn't either. I love your comments, critic and thoughts on the story and what you like/don't like, general screaming is also a great reaction - but if you are not the comment-type, hey, I don't judge :) I am incredibly thankful that you read this, and it means very much to me that you do <3  
> A second thing: I ship Hugh and Elnor queerplatonically. This might have something to do with my own orientation, but I don't ship them in the full romance. So if you're waiting for that, I'm terribly sorry. I can understand how others ship them, but personally, this is how I do. Just to add that and because I got that question on tumblr :)  
> Without furher ado, 'enjoy'

Four and a half days ago, Hugh nearly died. It’s because of Picard that he thinks about it, surely, it has to be, because Picard is going to die and Hugh nearly died, the connection is clear as crystal between them. There are more, like how they know each other and how Elnor vowed to protect both of them, and has to accept that he can’t, at least not from everything. But death is such a vivid image here, Soji’s sister is dead and Hugh’s friends and somehow, and a lot of people want Elnor’s friends dead now. Maybe him too. He can’t stop himself from thinking about it when they walk over to the giant black cube, it looks dead, and Seven of Nine might be there and might be dead too. He hates the word, he hates the feeling he connects to it, the feeling of coldness, of the pressure of darkness all around him, swallowing him whole. The Artifact is death to him, and as much as he dreads it, he enters it without hesitation when the others do so. It’s the cold and clammy fingers of fear on his back, just low enough to not choke him, but caressing high enough to be close to his throat. He is not scared of the place, but fears the feeling it awakens in him. Of loss, loneliness, and how he had been so, so cold and utterly alone. It’s a nightmarish feeling, it’s more than that because it haunts his dreams. But the place haunts Hugh’s dreams too, it follows him everywhere it seems. It made him sick and it’s only now that he is well again. Well enough. It’s easier now, not because they lessen, but because to Elnor it feels like he finally understood that he isn’t the only one. That Elnor dreams too, and it’s of the same place and events that were not even hours apart. And now he looks around the empty darkness and remembers… Two and a half weeks ago, they both nearly died. And it happened here. Elnor stops himself from wondering when he walks through the corridors, mindful to not fall behind, close to Hugh and Picard. It’s strange that Hugh stays next to Picard, when he looked like he wanted to hurry along the dark corridors to wherever his people are outside, when he talks so fast without even looking, or caring if anyone is listening (Picard at least doesn’t seem to, but Soji definitely does). Raffi and Rios are talking to each other quietly, and he doesn’t pay them any attention and lets them walk in the front, Soji next to Dr. Jurati who also seems to actively listen to Hugh, but doesn’t answer. Walking like this makes it easier for Elnor to look out for his charge, for of them, so he won’t complain. Maybe Hugh does it on purpose, maybe he takes his own advice and uses all the time he can get. And as much as Elnor wants to listen to what he tells Picard himself, he can’t, he won’t. His thoughts wander off again. The place makes him shiver deep inside. _Like someone is walking over your grave_ , he was told to call it once, it sends them down his spine and he looks around every corner they pass, eyes every single shadow suspiciously. He feels like they are moving, he feels as if they are being watched the whole time. Maybe they should all be quiet, but then he would have to tell Hugh to do so, and he finds he just can’t. Even if they would now, it’s already too late, and with one big opening, sneaking in had also not been an option. If his instincts are right, they are being followed, watched. If not, it’s just the remnants of what happened here, the ghosts living in the cracks of the walls, the demons under the debris on the floor. More than once they have to change corridors because their way is blocked by metal poles or a collapsed wall. It’s a paradox - he feels watched when it looks and feels dead. When the Artifact had still been in space, the place almost felt alive itself. The absence of that feeling makes it even stranger now. Elnor hopes it is just this. The corridors smell like danger to him. He remembers some of them, he remembers walking along them, but they all look the same to him here - there are many reasonable explanations to why it feels off. They get deeper into the depths of it and the deeper they get, the more he thinks about fragile walls holding up even more unstable ceilings. Tons of steel above them, rooms and furniture and alcoves, countless floors and everything is held together by nothing more than a metal string. By sheer luck even. If it all collapses on top of them, there will be no way out. Because nobody will be able to think that far, even part of the ceiling can crush them. It looks unstable, unstable and terribly dark. He has to concentrate on so much that the eyes are something he doesn’t have time for. If there is a reason or if there is not; it won’t hurt to stay cautious. He won’t stop trusting his instincts, but he also needs to be aware of the others, of Hugh and Picard, what they are talking about, because Picard is a whole different matter, and when he now thinks about it, he doesn’t want to, it’s the wrong way, and he’d rather think about the danger here again, about them being crushed in the hallways, it’s the whole place and everything in here, and no, that just makes it worse, thinking about this Artifact that is an Artifact only of horror, where Hugh nearly died and where it’s dark and cold and the lights and he was alone until-

“So you here to help with the cleanup, or do you just make messes?”

The tension he wasn’t even aware of gripping loosens when he hears her voice, and everything seems a little less terrible, even more so when they enter an area with _people,_ and _light_ . And that’s fantastic, but even better, Seven of Nine is alive, alive and seemingly well. They didn’t know it, they didn’t know if she survived. _He_ didn’t know if there is another one dead, and she is not. He hears Seven before seeing her, higher up and kicking down the body of a dead Romulan. For a brief moment, he feels regret for him, but it’s the same moment Seven climbs down to their level and walks over towards them. He automatically scans her over - for bruises, for injuries, for any signs she is not as well as she seems to be, there is no blood on her clothes, she isn’t limping, no sign of injury. As if the crash did nothing to her. Maybe it didn’t. Maybes and maybes on top of each other, not really mattering because she is alive. The artifact-cube is not only death. It’s still cold and he still doesn’t like it at all, but Hugh survived being here and Elnor too and now Seven of Nine is also alive.  
Then Hugh runs off to talk to his people, Soji follows him, Seven talks to Picard only, and he is suddenly standing in the room alone. Except, no, not alone. Everybody else has something to do. He quickly follows Picard, but only for a few steps, because they are talking quietly and he shouldn’t interrupt. He looks for Hugh and finds Raffi and the others helping with moving debris aside and decides to help there. It makes him feel useful, and keeps him close to the others. Still, it takes him some time to actually spot Hugh, while he is standing not too far away, he is talking to someone.. Of course he doesn’t know the woman he is talking to. But he sees her hands shake from his angle. She isn’t even gesturing, or even doing anything with them, still they tremble. She is taller than Hugh, with shoulder-length red hair, her pointy ears still visible. He sees the black remnants of technology on her face too, and they lace one of her hands. He doesn’t know her, he doesn’t need to. He just watches them talk. And how they talk. They know each other, and Hugh nods sometimes, while he can’t hear them he sees his reactions. He studies her face, smiles, puts a hand on her arm. Says something. Elnor watches them and then, Hugh meets his eye. They look at each other and Elnor quickly looks away - caught. He doesn’t want to stare. He shouldn’t, he didn’t mean to. But it’s too late now, he already did, and it only now dawns on him - while no, that is not true. He had the thought before, just not as vivid. How could he have been so childish? He knew it, because of the way Hugh talked about the Artifact and his xBs, and he knows it because he sees how they interact now. It’s clear as crystal and while it is, it also feels like walking into a crystal clear door of glass. He should have seen it, but he didn’t.  
Hugh is going to stay here. And not only when they look for Soji’s people, when they will go to the city, no, he is going to stay wherever his xBs are. In this place, on this planet even, if that is what it takes. He will stay here.  
And Elnor? He can’t let Picard go to the city alone - without him. He doesn’t want to leave Hugh here, but they won’t have a choice, he is relatively safe with Seven of Nine, and Picard is Elnor’s primary charge. He has to keep him safe. He is in greater danger, because it’s not about causes anymore, not about weather or not it is lost. It interferes with what he wants - he can’t split himself into two people, which would be the only solution. He wants to stay with both of them at the same time. With Hugh even if it’s here. And with Picard who won’t have much time anymore. They haven’t been separated for weeks, it’s an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s something else - Elnor worries. Hugh is capable of taking care of himself, which doesn’t change that Elnor wants to stay with him. Not only now, not only on Coppelius, but in general. He enjoys his company too much, without danger even more. Quiet moments on the ship, still in the shadow of recent events, sure, but also just them, talking. The thought of leaving him here _hurts_ and it does so even more in the knowledge of Picard’s illness. He is going to miss him. He is going to miss both of them, in different ways. The thought of returning to Vashti feel foul now. He’s seen to much, learned too much to not long for the stars, and he also can’t stay here, he doesn’t know where his place is. He knows where he wants to be - yes. But what he wants is not important, or not important enough. What he wants is to stay with Hugh if he allows that. What he wants is to see the universe - but not alone. He’s dreamt of doing it with Picard, and now Picard is dying. Their little crew on La Sirena had been comfortable, like a family even, after such a short time. He likes them, but without Picard, he fears that they will break the fragile bond between them. And then everybody is on their own again, Hugh and Elnor included. He needs more time, they still need to talk and he can’t just stay, abandon all he ever wanted to be. He wants to, but he can’t. It is not who he is, or who he believes to be.  
He forgot how little time they had, and it seems to be the problem with so many things. Time. He wants more of it, and knows it’s what everybody wants and nobody gets. Time.

* * *

Hugh feels them in his mind, stronger with every step they take. Picard might too, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t ask, he is nervous enough already, he doesn’t even know why he is talking since nobody else, not even Elnor, says a word. Except, yes, he knows why he is talking. There needs to be noise, anything else than just their footsteps. Anything else needs to be heard here, outside of his head. He can’t describe how high his heart jumped when he realized he could hear them. One could think a faint echo was always the same level of faint, but the background-noise had always still been there on the Artifact, gone completely on the ship, and picked up again when they landed on the planet. It’s comforting, he had been used to it for so long, and not even what happened could erase the warm effect of it. He dreaded it at first, of course. It was still a connection to the collective, it meant that he still wasn’t completely out of it, free of it. But with time he’d grown to accept it, and even more, made the best of it. It took far too long, but now it is what it is, and when he was proposed a way to actively shut them out, like he knows Seven of Nine did, he rejected it. They needed him, or so he thought, and it helped them. A sudden surge of panic as an alert something was wrong, or knowing the feelings of a being who never knew how to show them. They were all connected to each other, it wasn’t just him, he never wanted to be a Queen. And it was a connection that could always be cut, but just ripping them out of the world they knew was traumatizing, lead to what had been called the mental ward - he doesn’t want to think about the poor souls in there, locked away for their own and the safety of others, and now, he needs to go looking for them, if they survived the crash. So much already happened, so much damage had already been done, from assimilation to reclamation. That is why the link wasn’t completely severed, and while it was still a rough cut at first, a fine yarn stayed. He had never regretted his own choice. He had been completely cut off in between, of course, as he had been until now. Feeling them was familiar, if he had to name it he would call it ‘home’. It feels like coming home, back to others who were like him. Not the Artifact - the place is no home. The feeling in the back of his mind is. Now it’s a lot less noise than it has been before. He can’t count them without seeing them, it doesn’t work that way, while he can’t describe the way it does. He told Elnor that there is hope as long as a single xB is alive - and more than one is. It’s more than that, of course. He knows she is here, the way he sometimes just knows things, the smallest parts of information, a tiny part present in every mind, even if he didn’t already expect her, he would have known she was here. It doesn’t change the flooding warmth of relief washing over him when he sees them, and then hears Seven of Nine. She is not part of the noise, but something tells him that there is something off about her - just that he doesn’t have time to ask about it or even do anything, someone calls Picard Locutus, and someone else looks at him directly and he feels the smile on his face, against all odds. He counts, it’s not even half of them left, but they are not all dead, not like he feared they were. They are alive, he sees a few bruises but he knows nobody is actually badly hurt. Maybe it’s a miracle for once. He knows all of them, of course he does, with name and number and date of reclamation, the closest they get to a birthday. He sees them and he itches to just run over, he can’t so it, still mindful of how they are being watched, forgetting it the moment Picard and Seven of Nine are out of sight.  
It’s only later, when he talks to Maldine, Romulan, reclaimed only six months ago, didn’t talk for the first five of them, that he really remembers the others. It’s when he catches Elnor looking at him while he talks to Maldine, listens to her telling him what he’s missed in shaky words and half-broken sentences, that he is proud she says. He forgot. For a moment, he actually forgot. Between catching up and finding out what happened after he left, he forgot. Even worse, he can’t have Maldine talk to his friend because she is scared of new people, and Elnor looks away already. How could he forget? He thanks Maldine and asks her to help the others, but when he turns around again, Elnor is nowhere to be seen. He hopes he doesn’t look for anyone - Hugh doesn’t trust the corridors, and as capable as he knows Elnor is and for as much as he trusts him, his experience on a Borg cube had been limited to one very unpleasant event. He doesn’t want him to go alone, but he already knows nobody will know where he went. Maybe he should look for him? But start where? And what would he say? _Hey, I was worried you might get lost. Also, I forgot about you for a moment if that’s alright_  
No, there is no way for this to work. He curses internally, why is he so bad with people? After weeks, he should be used to Elnor, but maybe that is the problem - he is too used to him being around. And still he wonders, where did he go?  
  


“Good to see you still walking around” Seven snaps him out of his wondering and startles him in the process. He didn’t hear her approach while just looking for Elnor, but this has to be postponed again. He has an internal list to work on, and Seven of Nine is on the very top.

“It’s good to still do that, which is not without thanks to you” Of course he imagined what he could say to her, how he could thank her, if even. But he knows her, if not good, at least well enough to know that she won’t take it. She and Elnor share a trait there. 

“Anytime, just do me a favor and don’t get in any more trouble without me, I don’t fancy dragging you across a whole cube again, believe it or not” 

“I don’t like being dragged, don’t worry. But still… You and Elnor saved my life. Thank you for that” 

“They still need you. And I don’t really want to take over for good” He knows she doesn’t mean it that way, but what he knows even more is how they now both feel awkward. While, actually, he thinks he should feel prepared for thanking her by now, after he could train thanking someone for lifesaving actions quite a lot in the last weeks. Just like with nearly everything else, it’s all easier with Elnor.

“And… thank you for taking care of them” He still says it, because he has to and he needs to say it for himself. To know that he thanked her in person, it’s ridiculous, but still. Funny enough, one of the main reasons he likes her so much is because she is bad at reacting to compliments as he is, and while she masks it better, he knows. It makes her uncomfortable, a compliment is more a source of confusion than anything else. The question ‘but why’ always lingers, the ‘but’ following close. He never understood why people made compliments or said unnecessary things, asked questions without meaning but now he does; it’s not for the others, it’s for themselves. He thanks her and it’s unnecessary, it makes the situation just more awkward than it already is - but he said it. And that is done. 

“Don’t mention it” and the conversation seems over for her with that, however, it isn’t for Hugh, and he reaches forward to grab her arm when she wants to leave.  
  
“Maldine told me what you did” he steps over to face her directly, tries to find the words for something he can’t express. There will never be words big enough to voice his gratitude. There is too much behind it - he owes her, she protected the xBs. She managed what he failed to do, “you made yourself the Queen” The look on her face changes to something darker. 

“Yes, there was no other way, I didn’t want it but-” 

“Thank you” he looks down. This time it’s a different ‘thank you’, it’s needed. It’s important to him. It’s something she doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to interrupt her, but it’s the only way. It didn’t take him long to figure her options out, and he came to the same conclusion, even worse - if he had been there? He wants to tell himself that he also had the courage to do what she did, but he doesn’t know. There is something else he knows for sure regardless, “you saved them. I know it wasn’t an easy choice - but you saved them, and I owe you for that. I was blind to… everything, and you took action. So no matter what you think, or what you fear… Thank you” Damn he sounds like Elnor. 

“I told you… don’t mention it” And she turns around and leaves, just like that. He lets his hand fall back to his side. Is it something he said? Is it the whole topic? Both, likely. She said her last words with more force than necessary, on the other hand, he is not sure how he would have reacted. Which is a whole different topic - and there seem to be a lot of those lately. Too many topics he doesn’t even have time for. He just watches her go, unsure of what to do next. There is too much to even start, plans and future, a way off the planet, a way to survive the next time stranded here. And still, he watches Seven leave and sits down on one of the boxes. He needs to figure out what to do now. With… everything. All that time on the ship and he didn’t dare to think of it, to make plans. And now… Now he doesn’t have a plan, as simple as that. He doesn’t know what to do, or how to figure anything out.  
It’s not for the first time in his life, far from it actually. It’s also not the first time it affects others. After the crew of the Enterprise took Lore away, Picard had told him to be a leader. He didn’t understand at that time - because he jumped in front of the phaser? Which was, in retrospect, not his brightest moment. Or because he had been the first one? He went with the latter, then. And not in the way he maybe should have - he didn’t understand, and nobody told him. And so it was his natural conclusion that the only reason he needed to be the leader now was, because he himself inflicted this misery onto his people, so he had to be the one to fix it too. They depended on him, before Data came to them and even before Lore - they depended on him on that Borg ship, because he made them individuals, without their choice. While not even knowing what to do. That it had never been his choice and that him being the leader wasn’t intended as punishment, he found out about that part far too late. After he made every mistake. A leader shouldn’t make mistakes. Picard is and had always been a leader, and he just tried to be like him, without enough information. He built something out of nearly nothing, which lead to a long way of discussions, discovery and to an unpleasant reclamation process and a project, that was supposed to be better. As director of the Artifact he had felt useful, and like a leader. Like the leader he was supposed to be.  
He’s still on the Artifact. And, and this is hilarious to think about, he is still the director of the Artifact. It means as much now as it meant then, he supposes. And a great director he is, having the cube stranded on this planet, Coppelius, with who knew what dangers coming. There is a lot more to unpack in that category, or in every single one even - it doesn’t change the one paralyzing and cold thought that gripped him already: That he has no idea what to do. How to proceed.  
He watches Seven leave and briefly thinks about asking her, but biting his tongue. She did so much already, he can’t just now, after she saved who he was supposed to save. She walks over to where Elnor is and he is too lost in his own mind to realize that he is staring.

“Hey Kid?” Elnor spins around and doesn’t waste time in just wrapping his arms around her. She rolls her eyes but smiles, and he can’t hear what she says. He doesn’t want to intrude, or listen in. Elnor told him about how they met before the disaster on the Artifact, otherwise he would have been confused with their embrace now. How they talk. For a terrifying but thankfully short moment he wants to be included - to not sit here, just watching them, he wants to walk over and just be included. The moment passes. He has no right to be jealous, and it has to be jealousy because what else would it be? A lot of words drop into his mind concerning that, but he tries his best to ignore it. He had Elnor’s company for weeks now, talking to him now or asking for his time would be selfish. Especially since he is talking to Seven of Nine. They turn away, he can’t see their faces anymore. What are they talking about? No. He already heard too much of what he wasn’t supposed to hear, and it’s too late anyway. He watches them leave and sits down on one of the crates, looking around. No, he can function alone. It’s fine, he doesn’t need anyone to talk to about how he has no clue on how to proceed. Nobody needs to know, and it’s something he should be able to do alone. There are steps, a point where he can start at. The Artifact. He is still surprised it survived flying through space, even more, following them here. And crashing, of course. He thanks Sevens piloting skills that they even came this far. Seven - who saved the day. For the moment he could ignore the topic, now it’s back. She hadn’t been afraid to do what he didn’t dare to, she used the power of the queencell, even while knowing what it did. She didn’t want to go that way and still did. She made herself Queen, only for a time. It’s a riddle to him how she managed being the Queen and now herself again. How she released them, how she was able to have this much control. And at the same time, he asks himself, would he have been able to do the same? He planned on taking the Artifact away, yes. Full of rage and fear and shook from what he had seen, he wanted to keep the rest of his people safe. Then, he had been determined. Anything and everything he would have done to prevent the death of the rest of them. Even taking over, and being their Queen - invading them the same way he always feared someone would do with his mind again. It’s a question now, when it hadn’t been a question in this moment. Would he actually have taken over? He wasn’t able to think clearly, and now he is, and he can’t help himself but ask: would he have actually done it? Of course it’s the neverending game of what-ifs. He didn’t get to make the choice. Or had to. Seven made it for herself later, as it seems. Still, one thought remains - how Narissa had wanted to kill him before and couldn’t due to the treaty, but just waited for a chance. He’s thought about it countless times for weeks now. At first he thought she just wanted to get rid of all the xBs. A logical choice, in some way, but he found a conclusion that soothes his questions, soothes the what-ifs to a degree he can live with: she had wanted to see him dead. And that personally, while she had asked someone else to shoot- no. She wanted to see him dead, and there had to be something about it. Maybe because she knew she hurt him enough that he would snap, and that is the only word describing what he would have done. Hugh learned, that hurt people are the most dangerous. Not angry ones, not sad ones. But hurt, a combination of the two of them and pain, so much pain. Being hurt only sharpens the mind, being hurt made him long for revenge.  
Narissa had to have assumed that he was desperate enough to activate the queencell and use all the knowledge stored in there against them. It also makes him wonder where she is. It’s an unanswered question, he thinks he saw her disappear before he passed out, but everything after the pain in his neck and before waking up on the ship is just a hazy chaos he can’t really disentangle. Seven is sure there is no Romulan on the ship, and she had been connected to the collective and the whole cube to some degree, so he could take her word for it. Could being the strong word - he wants to take her word for it, but it doesn’t change how he looks at the opening around them, wondering just how vulnerable they all are in one spot. Hoping, just hoping he can trust her word that Elnor is the only living Romulan on the ship. While not all of them had been bad, of course. Most of the staff had been Romulan, in fact. Apart from the dead guards he can see laying in the corner of the room, everyone must have been evacuated. It wouldn’t make sense for Narissa to be here - but if she stayed, she has a good chance to be alive, since everyone is. There is a chance that she is here.

But Hugh has to remind himself that she is not - she is not here! They are not safe, not at all, but right now, they are from her, and he has to concentrate. On what they will do, because he has no idea how to get off this planet, step one already failed - the cube is no option. Soji’s words were more than accurate - it _is_ broken now. Seeing it like this makes him think that calling it the Artifact when it was still in space had been far too early, but giving a former Borg Cube this title had probably been naive anyway. Pathetic, even. A foolish hope, he should have known, and he is back to the what-ifs, when he should be thinking about the whats-is. He doesn’t know how to get off this planet, he doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. And it’s back again, the part of his mind he will call jealousy now, is back. He just wishes someone were here, Elnor in the best case, to talk about it. The xBs still see him as their leader, he can’t let them down, but Elnor knows his doubts. But then again, Elnor has a bigger cause too right now, and it’s Picard and Soji. Again, Hugh had been like this, on his own, for most of his life, it shouldn’t be hard to go back. Why is it so easy to rely on someone? He needs to be able to do it, and for the first time, wishes he wasn’t. It had never been an option before, the only steps were the ones in front of him. No one behind him who wouldn’t stab him in the back. It’s always just been him - sure, he kept contact to his very few friends, but kept them at arms length too. Just a little over a month ago, he had been on his own and it worked. It wasn’t pretty, but it was never intended to be pretty in the first place. Now he knows too much. Now he feels too much himself and it’s distracting and it hurts and in all irrationality, he just wants to go back to their room on the ship. He has a room here, the next steps in what is not a plan but more an extended to-do list. Just weeks ago all of this had been his home, something that actually felt like home. He belonged here, or he thought he did. Now he dreads going to his room alone. His first reflex is to ask Elnor to accompany him, not only because the halls are haunted, but because he likes him being there. He likes to have him around, he likes to explain or talk, because Elnor seems interested. This is also why his hopelessness only hours ago frightened him so much. He wants to get to know him, and for a moment, it seemed like he never knew him at all. There is a whole different matter connected to it that he gently ignores right now, it’s too far in a future they don’t know yet. In a future they might, as alien as the thought feels to him, not even be alive to see.  
The present is far more planable. And while he can’t think about a longer range, he can think about the issues here, breaking them down into solvable pieces. Not getting off the planet, that goes too far already. For that matter, they have to get at least a few of the systems back online so he can secure the data and destroy the rest, to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands - even this is too big already. There are also a few things Hugh needs to take care of that are of a more personal nature. The three personal items in his quarters, for example. And something else, stored in a labelled poisonous box in the infirmary close to it. For him, it is the most dangerous item on the planet, everything else be ignored. There are endless possibilities to use the nanotechnology flowing through his blood, if the could crack the code of their original program - a task that is nearly impossible, they had to accept at some point. But it’s only nearly impossible, and it’s not so much impossible as it’s too complex and time-consuming, because they did manage to reprogram a few of Hugh’s own Nanos. It had been the only condition for him, that if they experimented, they used his. There is still no way to know how many possibilities lie in them, what danger to him. He doesn’t fancy being back in the collective, but it would be much worse if even a single person had control over him. He doesn’t dare to destroy them, however. It's the only batch they have, successfully reprogrammed to only heal, to only repair internal and external damage to a humanoid body. A success on every level, from proving that it was possible to make something good out of them, to proving it to Hugh. While it was possible that they stayed active for a short time afterwards, maybe even a few days, they wouldn’t reconnect, wouldn’t start the process of assimilation. The process didn’t pay off, however, so there is no further testing to rely on. He needs them back. If they are still there, and they have to be. It would be a new bullet point to an ever growing list of problems if they are not.

* * *

Elnor returns to the others without Seven of Nine. He is glad they talked, while it hadn’t been that much of a conversation - just mostly him talking, actually. It helped anyway. He even feels good about it, they cleared a blocked hallway. She knows about Picard. Everyone knows, it’s strange how nobody did before. He likes talking to Seven, even if her answers are mostly short. But he likes her in general. She is going to stay here with Hugh when they’ll leave, at least for now. With the xBs, of course.  
He sees Hugh sitting on a crate in the main area, with no xBs around. He sees Soji and Picard and Raffi too, but not the captain, nor Dr. Jurati. They should be here, of course, but even he realized that there is something between them and he knows better than to look when both of them are missing - or he was told to never do that, for whatever reason. When Hugh spots him, he jumps to the floor and walks towards him

“Oh, I was just about to go looking for you!”

“I was over there” he points in the general direction of the hallway, “talking to Seven of Nine”

“I... need a few things from my old quarters. Join me in case we meet Soji’s homicidal funghi?” He knows it is a joke, but can’t help but wonder if it is more. If it is that Hugh doesn’t want to go alone. He wouldn’t let him, of course, there is no way that he lets Hugh wander around here alone. But he wonders, if he is joking to overplay it. He doesn’t need to, of course,

“I can join you without danger, do you realize that?” No, that is wrong. As far as he can see, the whole planet screams danger, which is precisely why the thought of leaving Hugh here tastes so foul in his mouth. 

“In that case, you can also come without danger” It sounds strange, the way he says it. Like it’s still a joke, “if you want to, of course” Of course. Of course he wants to, he asked himself how Hugh lived here before.

“I am… most curious to see where you lived” he answers and it makes Hugh smile, and for the first time, he is not sure if that makes it better or worse. 

* * *

“I saw you talking to Seven of Nine” The corridors here are dark again, dark and much cooler, especially than it had been outside. The emergency lights only give some dim support, and they carry flashlights. Hugh meant to clip them onto their clothes, but Elnor stopped him - he is careful, and Hugh should be too.

“I helped her with the supplies. I’m glad she is okay, I feared she...” 

“Me too. It was a hard crash, it’s nothing less than a miracle that she is okay - they all are” He leads them around a corner, but Elnor holds him back last second, quick enough to nearly make him stumble, and walks around it first. He only now really realizes that he has his sword drawn the whole time, as if he is expecting something to happen. It’s his duty, and Hugh knows it’s more than that, he doesn’t want anything to happen to any of them, Hugh especially. He knows why. And it fills his heart with warmth, still he doesn't say it. They walked these corridors together before - Elnor with his sword drawn, Hugh leading them. But it had been the other way around then, he doesn’t even get a step in front of Elnor now, and he doesn’t try to. It’s the wrongest time to have this conversation, he wants to have it anyway, but doesn’t give in. All the thank-yous.

“She asked how I was doing and I told her” Elnor continues, suddenly enough that Hugh’s steps slow for a moment. They disappeared for quite some time, which is understandable, of course. But something doesn’t work out, something about the way Elnor says it bothers him. 

“And… how are you doing?” It’s a dumb question, he knows it is. It’s also the only way he can think of to find out what is bothering him. He knows it’s the place, and Picard, but after spending so much time together, he feels like there is something else. He doesn’t lie, but he also doesn’t tell him everything. Hugh has no right to ask him, he has no right to make him talk about it, since he doesn’t do so on his own accord. He doesn’t push, but slows his steps and looks up when Elnor, who is still walking fast realizes and falls back too, “I’m glad you came” he admits then, “Here, I mean” Elnor doesn’t answer him and the moment where he could say something passes, and they start walking again. A corridor further he shows him the room, like every other door his has sprung open too. While he doesn’t like it being so exposed, it’s still preferable - otherwise, they would have needed to crawl through the air vents to get in. They exist, but that’s about it. 

Elnor just looks around the room. It’s exactly the same as the ones he’s seen so far, and he is not sure what he expected. The same metal walls, and the same bedframe. The mattress has fallen off, blanket and pillow on the bloor under it, but Hugh doesn’t pay them any mind, he just opens a locker in the corner. How is it still standing? Everything else is strewn around - but what is everything else? The bedsheets, a broken vase. A grey PADD on the floor and a metal device. Nothing else. Nothing on the walls, no broken decoration, nothing personal at all. He didn’t expect a lot, but at least something. The room could belong to anyone, as there is nothing marking it as Hugh’s. How can he ask about it? Is there a way? Why is there nothing? Is it simply because he didn’t have anything? He could, of course. He didn’t show much sentimentality on the ship either, throwing away his blood-soaked clothes without even a second glance. He didn’t even ask for anything. Again, it doesn’t even seem odd when he thinks about it - but it makes him sad somehow. Is there nothing he couldn’t leave behind? There seems to be, because he watches him carefully pull out a box behind a stack of clothes.

“What is that?” Elnor tries and it comes over less than just an ordinary question and more of a confused one - and then it hits him. It’s not that the room doesn’t have anything personal on it, it doesn’t need to. It has HUGH written in big red letters all over it already, it seems to be blank, it seems to be nothing to see, nothing to work with. There is nothing in here that could hold him back, and there is nothing in here making him stand out, nothing special - nothing that could be used against him. Nothing making him any different from the xBs on the ship, and the only belongings? Locked away, just how he locks himself away to not let anyone in.  
  


“The only things I keep with me” he explains and pulls the lid off. Elnor leans closer to take a look when Hugh shines the flashlight in - and what he sees doesn’t make sense in a way that it does, somehow. It’s a PADD, a frame with two photographs and a communications badge, not unlike the one he remembers Picard wearing, “I don’t want it to fall into the wrong hands, there are a lot of conversations on it” It takes Elnor a moment to realize that he means the PADD, he takes out the frame nevertheless. He recognizes Geordi on one photo - only barely, there is something in front of his eyes, and he looks much younger. However, he hasn’t seen the woman in the other photo before. She is smiling, and he likes her smile. It looks… kind. And also, as if she didn’t know she was being photographed. If he didn’t know better, he would say Hugh is keeping a picture of his parents.  
  
“Who is the woman?” he asks and puts the frame back, “She looks nice” 

“Beverly, her name is Beverly, she worked on the Enterprise. She saved my life - in more ways than one” Elnor gives him a questioning look and it’s enough, “If she didn’t convince Picard to let me on board, I would have died. And even if I somehow survived, I would never have left the collective. Never become who I am. Geordi and her talked to me, they taught me the words for feelings I didn’t know. That I felt lonely, mostly” Lonely. How long ago was it? Elnor already established that Hugh had been lonely for a long time, and it shouldn’t surprise him that it is this long. And again, like on the ship, it’s lonely - not alone. But Hugh continues, smiling down at the frame, “And more. They gave me my name” 

“You asked how I am doing here” it just bursts out of him the next moment, “It’s not good. I miss you already and you haven’t even left, you are still here and I already miss you” 

“What… Elnor, I am not leaving. We are all stuck here for now” Elnor realizes too late how confusing he is right now, but it’s too late, and he just lets himself bubble over. He held it back the whole way, while he just wanted to talk about it, and didn’t.

“No, because you are going to stay here and I will leave with Picard!” He hates that he will stay even more now he’s seen the room, and he hates the green emergency lights and he hates the metal walls and he hates how it feels lonely and how it will make Hugh feel lonely again, because Elnor swore to not let him feel lonely again and he can’t keep that promise. He has never hated like that before, but it feels like the end of the world to him, while Hugh still just looks utterly confused.

“Elnor, what are you talking about?” 

“You will stay here, I already know it. You won’t leave them, nothing could make you do that, they need you!”

“I don’t understand, are you angry that I won’t come to the city? I’ll catch up later if-” 

“No! This is not what I mean, you will stay here! On Coppelius. with the xBs. You won’t come back to the ship, you won’t leave with us again. You will stay here, with them, because that is what you are supposed to do - and I know this, I knew this, and I don’t like it! I don’t want you to stay here, in this place, where you nearly died. And I don’t want to leave you, because I promised I wouldn’t leave you, but-” He takes a breath, not sure how to proceed, when it’s already too late and he says what is on his mind without sorting, without even thinking.  
“But Picard is going to die, and this cube, this Artifact, I know how much it means to you but I still can only think about what happened here - and I’m scared, and confused, I am scared of what will happen and of what only might happen. I shouldn’t be. I should be ready to die for Picard’s cause, and I am, but the thought of just… not seeing you again hurts” He can see the exact moment Hugh realizes what he means. There is an unspoken _oh_ visible on his face, and he sits down on the metal frame that was his bed once. 

“I understand” he says softly, looking down on his hands, “I… I haven’t really thought about it, to be perfectly honest. I thought my whole life is here, I never anticipated that…” he sighs and looks up, down to his hands again, and suddenly, Elnor feels bad. It’s the wrongest moment, he didn’t think, the apology is on his tongue and…  
“It’s like that… Elnor, nobody talks about that right now. I don’t even know what I’ll do yet. I tried to plan but every step that is further away is already impossible. I don’t know what to do. I can’t know. _We_ can’t know. All I think about right now is the xBs, that’s true. And Soji. I will go where the xBs go, most likely, yes. But not now” He doesn’t really look at Elnor’s face, but he at least looks at him, “No matter what happens… I won’t just… disappear” No, he won’t. And Elnor knows he won’t, did he make Hugh think he thought he would just disappear? Because that is not true. He doesn't. He is scared of a whole different moment - the worst in all stories, and in all his life. He is scared of the moment he will leave and say goodbye. He dreads them. From how he couldn’t say goodbye to his parents before they died to every time he said goodbye to Picard while counting the days until he saw him again. And the realisation that he wouldn’t come back after too many had passed. Goodbyes are never certain, and while nothing really is, they hurt. It’s as simple as that. He will have to say goodbye, and the thought already hurts. He sits down next to Hugh and looks into the dim corner of the room opposed to it. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said any of that, I didn’t want to make you feel guilty but…” he stops there. For his outburst before, he has no idea how to end that sentence. But he is worried? But he is scared? But he loves- he sees Hugh shaking his head out of the corner of his eye and next, he feels a warm hand covering his. He squeezes back instantly, of course, more a reflex than a choice. 

“Don’t be sorry. I’m not angry. You made a good point, just… A lot is happening right now. For both of us. For you. With Picard and with the xBs, and… You don’t make me feel guilty. I want to give you an answer you can be certain about, just… I don’t have one yet. I can only promise you that I won’t just disappear. You are… you are too important to me” 

“You are important to me too, and I can’t stand the thought of losing you” He nearly chokes on the last words and squeezes his eyes shut to get himself under control - one sentence is enough. He hears Hugh sigh and feels him shift - so he leans on him. They are in the same position like days before in sickbay, just this time, the room is dark, both of them are completely awake. And it feels like a heavy dream. With Hugh so close, Elnor just wraps his arms around him, it’s a twisted hug but that doesn’t matter, even less when Hugh just sighs again and talks, more whispers onto his shoulder now,

“Then… How about this? I won’t lose you, and you won’t lose me. No losing each other here. Especially but not limited to the nearest future” 

“Promise?” Hugh knows what the word means. He knows what a promise is for Elnor, how it is treated and how much it means. He probably doesn’t remember the promises Elnor made to him and what they are, but he is aware of the meaning, and he still feels him nod. It’s deeper than an agreement, a promise is so much more. He always thought of himself as childish, but not anymore.

“Yes, definitely a promise. We’ll figure it out - just not now. There is already enough to figure out, not us too” Elnor wants to stay in their embrace forever, and allows them some precious minutes in it. They cant stay that way forever, of course. The dim emergency lights illuminate the open doorway, the metal around them, he can’t forget for a minute where they are. And what they came here to do - so he loosens his hold after some time to lean away. The warmth lingers on his hand, where they touched, and he straightens his shoulders, looking around.  
  
“You needed to get something… Is that all?” He gestures to the box and around the room. They need to get back to the others or they will ask where they went. They have even less time now.

“No, I’ll… I need to get something from the infirmary, it’s only two rooms over - could you wait here for a moment?” It’s actually a question he realizes. Not more, not less, “I… It’s hard to explain, and I would rather not do it now” Normally, Elnor wouldn’t stand down. But there is something he can see in Hugh’s face even in the dim light - he means what he says. 

“I’ll wait” he agrees, but doesn’t voice the _but hurry_. He picks up the box as Hugh turns to leave, and waits, listens to his steps on the floor, a familiar pattern, doesn’t hear them for a moment and then they are back, coming closer again. Stopping, suddenly. Just as a familiar voice cuts in. 

* * *

The decision is made quick - he can’t have Elnor know just yet. He needs to explain, which takes time and a calmness they both don’t have right now. He is glad the infirmary is so close - what had been a decision to keep an eye on the newly reclaimed xBs and stay close to them is still a good one now. He is as quick as he can, in, flashlight to the cabinet, rummaging around to find what he is looking for - and it’s still there. While he had been sure it is still there, he feared maybe it wouldn’t be - that someone took it, for whatever reason. But there it is, labeled as poisonous, the best way he could think of to hide it. He pockets it still wrapped and turns around, out of the room, back to Elnor, not thinking about what just happened by force.  
He is only a few steps out of the room and in the middle of the corridor when...

“You… Are surprisingly hard to kill. Strange when I think about how easy it was to get rid of the rest of them” 


	2. To the depths of the ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative title: Since I hurt Hugh in 35000 words last time, it's Elnor's turn now. Have fun.

“You… Are surprisingly hard to kill. Strange when I think about how easy it was to get rid of the rest of them” He freezes mid-step at the voice. “But you are not exactly careful, are you?” No. It can’t be. She can’t still be here, the walls are haunted by his memories, she can’t be here! “Aaawww, did you really think I would just leave?”   
He feels her. He doesn’t need to hear her steps, there is no sound, but her voice is not in his mind, no hallucination, no dream, he feels her in the way he breathes quicker, in the way the spot on his neck throbs again, he feels her in how his heartbeat starts to race, he feels her even if he isn’t turning around to look at her. 

“Most… curious” He still can’t move, is paralyzed in standing there, he can’t even move his view away from the corridor in front of him. He should run. He wants to, she will kill him anyway and laugh but he so desperately wants to run away, hide, just do anything. 

He can’t. 

“Seems like you missed me” The desperation only grows, he wants to scream, to shout it out and, but all that happens is that his eyes start to burn. His face to sting. And then he sees her. She comes up next to him, eying him as if he is a piece of meat, just that she doesn’t stop moving, in circles, around him. Too close. And he still can’t move, can’t even say a word, a tiny, desperate part of his mind still wishes and hopes and begs that this is not real, a nightmare, a hallucination, that he is actually in his quarters and his implants overheated again. It hurt, he was terrified then, but it’s a beautiful memory compared to now. His fingers are numb as he tries to move them at least, he can’t, maybe he does and just doesn’t feel it. 

“The synth and Picard. I asked you where they are, and you brought them right here” Soji. Picard.  _ Elnor  _ “And still, little Third of Five, loyal drone, all alone on the big broken Borgship - makes me wonder what you were planning to do now?” He is not alone, he is not Third of Five. He is not alone, not Third of Five, he is not alone, not Third of Five, he is not alone, not alone, not-

“I am not alone” He breathes it more than he says it, and then again, louder, “I am not alone. And I am not Third of Five” It takes effort to say it, to think the words and voice them, but, his voice only shakes a little, “And I didn’t bring you anybody” The sound of her laugh is a nail in his chest, and then another, and maybe a third if he could focus on it. His heart is beating into them, again and again and faster - and then there is coldness against his neck. Pressing exactly onto the tiny spot of scar-tissue that is left. Not hard, not enough to draw blood. And it’s still enough to send him spiraling, down, down a dark tunnel he tries not to go down again, with voices he hears scream, and the echoes of others who are still here, still close, he closes his eyes and hears here smirk next to his ear - was that a flash of blue he saw before? Or just a desperate hope?  _ Help,  _ he screams it only in his mind. It’s his own echo, his own voice among many, they may hear it, he hopes they don’t.  _ Stay away _ but it’s too weak, every rational thought is.

“Oh, but you did. Wasn’t it enough that you doomed your pet drones? Makes me wonder if you are as human as you claim” His words have run dry. Why isn’t there a wall behind him? He needs something, anything to lean on when he opens his eyes, his legs are weak but strong at the same time, he needs to run but can’t, like he would take a step and that’s enough to let him die. So he stares ahead, still frozen in his tracks, along the corridor and its broken walls, with emergency lights that slowly lose their glow. The knife doesn’t even feel cold anymore. 

“You talk a lot” A flash of blue, silent and quick, and blue fills his vision, almost black, yes, but it’s blue to him. He can’t see Elnor’s face, and when he carefully eyes him, he has his sword against Narissa’s neck, her free hand in a death grip in his. Elnor doesn’t look at him, just at Narissa, but there is a drop of blood on her neck where he holds the blade. 

“I’m beginning to have a deja-vu, don’t you two too? I have a lot of time, and a fleet on the way. So how about we play this through?” Hugh feels her removing the knife from his neck and the same moment, he can move again, or he thinks so, he stumbles away from them - and it seems like both forget he is even there the next.    
He stumbles backwards until his hands feel the cold metal of the wall, he needs the wall, he needs anything to hold on, lean on. The tiny spot where she held the knife stings and he presses his hand to it, it’s too deep, far too deep, maybe she cut his throat? She must have, he can’t breathe, can’t take in air. And wants to close his eyes but can’t, he wants to keep standing but slowly glides down the wall. No, no he has to run, he has to… has to…    
Has to keep them safe. He has to keep them safe but it’s too late, because they are dead, all of the xBs are dead, if Narissa is here it means they are gone. He can’t close his eyes because the pictures overwhelm him, it always worked, not closing his eyes, not sleeping, but now he hears Elnor and  _ her _ , he hears them but they are far away. All he hears is blasterfire, all he hears are screams in his mind, all of them at once just that they don’t end. He sees himself and he sees the Romulans, he sees darkness and green, his limbs detached and burning, gone and cold and burning, why is he burning again? Why can’t he breathe? Is he dying? Because if he is, he doesn’t need air and it shouldn’t hurt, not like he is…    
Is someone crying? He can hear it, through the fog and the darkness he sees, the swirling lights in it, he hears someone breathe, shallow and fast, it sounds like it hurts. Are his eyes open? Closed? He doesn’t know, because he sees darkness with bright spots, sparks, turning and moving and maybe it’s just all dark and he is hallucinating, maybe just nothing is real. The swirling lights get worse and they are threaten to pull him under, down and down and down and… Down to what? He doesn’t know to where, just down and down, deeper and deeper, a thread around his throat and pulling on it. 

There is touch, pain and shouting, shouting because they are dying and he is too and the blurred shape in front of him is not real, not real. He sees them shot all over again, he feels them scream and wants to press his hands to his head, cover his ears so he doesn’t have to hear anything anymore, maybe then he can just disappear and maybe then he can vanish into the nothingness that if it swallows him whole is the only place he can breathe freely. Breathing. It’s a word that comes to him because he doesn’t do it, he can’t breathe and he needs to, when a high pitched noise fills his ears. It drowns out the screaming because it hurts, he is not numb anymore and it hurts, his head, his chest, the touch-

“...breathe” Someone is talking, and it’s not the harsh voice of Narissa, and it’s not the screams, and it breaks through them. Breathing. Air. But his chest is too tight? He blinks to clear his vision and it’s not Narissa in front of him, holding a knife, he is not looking down to a corpse.    
“-need to breathe” Elnor. Of course it’s Elnor, why is he surprised? Why shouldn’t he be? Hugh tries to tell him that he can’t breathe, for as much als Elnor wants him to, it’s just simply not possible. His voice doesn’t comply, he lost it somewhere in the panic and lack of air, between the tension in his body and how much he trembles. He tries to say that he can’t, but the words don’t come further than to the edge of his mind, he moves his lips but without a sound.   
“You can, I know you can. In and out, look at me”    
The next minutes are blurred together between not-hyperventilating and loosening the tension in his chest, and it takes too long, far too long until he can actually get a word out again. When he manages, it’s like someone cut the ropes and he falls back against the wall. His heart is still beating so hard against his ribs that they feel like breaking, his hands tingle. He wants to wrap his arms around himself to make himself as small as possible, invisible even, only that he has no strength to do so. Like he ran the Artifact from top to bottom multiple times, he is exhausted and moving, no, the thought of moving makes his heart move quicker again, and only that he is not alone, that Elnor is here, keeps him away from the edge again. The way he is talking, over and over, the same thing.   
“You’re alright, it’s alright. You are safe, I’m here, I’m here”

* * *

Elnor doesn’t touch Hugh again. He tried at first, the moment he saw him on the floor, staring in the distance, but he flinched away so violently Elnor withdrew his hand immediately. Now he is at least looking at him again, his eyes no longer distant. His breaths still come out as pained gasps, but he’s getting better. Elnor tried to contact the others, but nobody answered. Maybe it’s due to the walls or because they are deeper inside now, maybe the signal is too weak and maybe there is a different reason or more than one - he doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. They need to get out of here, preferably now. He knows what a panic attack is, not only in theory but because he saw Hugh on the verge of one before, only this is ten times worse. For a moment he hadn’t been sure if he could reach him at all, for a moment he felt as helpless as the moment Narissa seemingly killed Hugh on this cube before. He doesn’t know why Narissa ran, or where to. He had her in a corner, and the gash in his shoulder stings, it’s how she got out. There is something wrong about it, it doesn’t add up, why leave them here? She knew he wouldn’t follow her. He knows she knows, it’s an uneasy feeling and the main reason they have to leave, while he isn’t yet sure how to solve their problem. While Hugh is still upright and definitely conscious, he doesn’t look like he is going anywhere anytime soon. Which becomes problematic especially when Elnor notices that he can’t help Hugh without touching him, so this is their main goal for now. After breathing, of course, which took some time but it’s working. In and out. He looks around for anything to help them, but there is nothing, they could retreat to Hugh’s room or the infirmary for now, but that would only trap them with only one way out. In the corridor he can at least see someone coming, rounding the corner, here he can look out. Or he hopes he can. They don’t have time for concern or self-doubt, he shoves it away but he still should have heard it. He should have noticed her approaching. It doesn’t matter, Hugh is alive, panicked but alive, and breathing. He doesn’t look close to alright, but he isn’t hurt. They can deal with panic. After they are safe. Then they can deal with all of it, but not now. He still has his sword gripped tightly in one hand, ready to jump up any second. It’s alright. It’s going to be alright.    
  
“I knew you could do it,” He tries to smile and Hugh’s breath hitches for a moment in response, “You are okay, she is gone” He doesn’t say to where, and it’s only for now. Hugh doesn’t need to know for now, they need to leave, and that is all that counts. Back to the others, Picard and Seven and the xBs, the only room with light. Hugh’s flashlight is still on the floor, right next to where he is half sitting, half slumped against the wall

“Elnor, she-” For the first time since he got here, Hugh actually looks at Elnor, who shakes his head in response. He can’t have him panic now, they need to leave, he needs to get Hugh to safety. And deal with the fallout later. 

“She is gone. But we have to leave now” He carefully extends a hand so Hugh can see it taking his, “I’m going to help you, but you need to trust me for it. We need to get back to Seven and Picard, can you manage that?” What if he says no? It takes a moment for Hugh to look at his hand and Elnor has a hard time staying calm, but finally, he nods and closes the distance between their hands himself, “You can trust me, I won’t let anything happen to you” It’s another promise, to himself this time.   
  
“I know” It’s almost inaudible, but enough anyway. Hugh is shaking so hard that getting up seems unlikely at first, but Elnor takes his hand like he did before, pulls him to his feet just that this time, he lets him lean on to the wall. Their hands stay linked, but neither of them notice.    
  
“Let’s get back to the others” Elnor nods and takes a step back, testing the waters but Hugh follows and as shaky as he is and for as much as he seems to dread the dark corridor, he manages. He has thoughts for later, not for now.    
  
“We need to be quiet, and fast. Stay behind me, and let me secure the cor-” He doesn’t get to finish the sentence because it happens so fast. He hears something behind him, turns around, sword in one hand, the other pushing Hugh back to the wall. He doesn’t even see her this time, she uses the momentum of his turn to grab his hands and he pushes back, too late. He knows it’s too late, he didn’t look around, he got distracted and it’s too late, when she uses his swing against him, grabs hold of his sword and pushes forward. Ironically, he hears the cloth of his tunic rip before he feels the pain when the blade gets pushed into his body and through it. But once he feels it, it drowns out everything else. A scream gets stuck in his throat, he is freezing from the inside out, ripped apart, , he sees the wall, then he sees Hugh but for as much as he wants to do something, anything, he can’t. He is held upright but not by his legs, he doesn’t even feel them, he doesn’t feel anything, his body is nothing more than just an open, bleeding hole, he is nothing more than an open and bleeding hole. He feels her pulling the blade out, every inch of it he feels in his chest and how he can’t stop his own fall when she is done. Then there is metal below him, and warmth on his burning fingers, he stares at them, it should hurt to fall like this, but it doesn’t. Coldness fills his body, his fingers to his chest and he is tired, cold and tired. Can he sleep? Please? Just sleep? The voices, no, Hugh and Narissa, he has to get up, he has to help him, he promised that he would. He needs to do something. Something… Something… Sleep. Darkness in spots, growing spots. He wants to give in, it promises him that it won’t hurt him. And when he is not in pain, he can move, if he can move he can help Hugh. He blinks and tires, tries to push himself up but there is nothing to do about it, moving his fingers nearly tips him over the edge of darkness and he clings to the world of sound and light with grasping fingers. Darkness pries them loose one by one. Why is he even fighting it? Fighting? Just for a moment, he thinks, just for a moment he closes his eyes to summon some strength, to will the pain away, just a little, just so he can move…   
He doesn’t open his eyes again

* * *

He is still shaking, but with Elnor’s help, Hugh manages to stay standing, one hand against the wall for support. He waits until he can see and hear again before he nods, because yes, he can do this. Seven and the xBs. They are okay. Seven is with them, and Soji, there is no way Narissa killed them all, Elnor and him haven’t been gone that long. It’s a good thought, it keeps the panic away for now. He repeats it over and over, and then one more time to have it stay in his mind so he doesn’t even dare to think anything else. He is going to be okay. They are fine. It’s more convincing when Elnor says it, but he already said it a million times and it’s almost his voice repeating the mantra. They are going to be fine. He should, no, he needs to ask where she went, what happened and what Elnor did, but the questions get stuck, and he can’t ask them. There is a long cut on Elnor’s shoulder, it’s wet, bleeding, and Hugh tries so hard not to think about it. It almost works. There are a lot of maybes in an almost. There are a lot of nearlys in there, and a lot of possibilities. And chances for things to go wrong. 

“Let’s get back to the others” he whispers and his voice is so rough it doesn’t sound like his own. He is still dizzy, exhausted beyond belief, his bones are heavy and his muscles hurt, his lungs too, but the last of the tension will go when he knows the others are safe. It will cut the metal locked around his chest at last. And it’s going to be alright. Elnor nods in response and picks up the flashlight to hand it to Hugh again. Light. He forgot about it for a moment. 

“We need to be quiet, and fast. Stay behind me, and let me secure the cor-” Neither of them hear the steps, neither of them have enough time to react, and Hugh feels himself being pushed back towards the wall right the moment he sees her behind Elnor, just that this time, he isn’t initially paralyzed, he doesn’t even have time to feel anything or do something, he screams only in his mind when Elnor turns around. Hugh sees the blinking of the blade in her hand but not anything else and he needs to warn him, needs to say something, anything-

“Elnor!” But his warning comes too late. Far too late. It’s not her knife, it’s Elnor’s own sword that is pierced through his body. For a terrifying second, time stops. Nobody breathes, nothing happens, it’s just Elnor standing, looking at Hugh with this blank expression and too wide eyes, his mouth open, the blade sticking out of his torso. One hand still up in the motion of turning around, the other just over the wound, not touching the blade. As if he isn’t sure what is happening, as if he doesn’t know what to do, as paralyzed as Hugh felt before and now feels again. No sound escapes him, when the flashlight falls to the ground nobody hears it.

Time starts again with a sickening sucking-sound, when Narissa pulls the blade out. Like someone cut the threads of a puppet, Elnor gasps and then falls, to his knees, forward, one of his hands on the wound, where blood is seeping out - before it can just drip to the floor. He is halfway sideway, curled around it, but he doesn’t move. Elnor just doesn’t move where he has fallen over, and Hugh can’t even see his face, just hair, and the growing spot of green on the floor, grotesquely illuminated by the flashlight that is still on the floor and now directly shines on Elnor. On the green blood dripping to the floor.

Narissa is still there, she is looking at him, smirking, stepping over Elnor as if he is nothing more than just a small obstacle. She doesn’t even look at him, her eyes are fixed on Hugh.

“Why do you get all your friends killed?” Nothing, not even her words really cut through to him. He sees his hand reach for the wall, feels it collide but it’s not his body, it’s not him. He is empty. He is nothing. Hollowed out, he doesn’t even lungs that can stop breathing. He is outside of himself, looking at Elnor, and Elnor is not moving, or maybe he can see him breathe at least, maybe, he hopes it’s not his imagination while everything in his brain screams  _ dead dead dead _ at him, and he can’t drown it out.  _ Dead, he’s dead, she killed him, I killed him _   
Narissa still holds Elnor’s sword in one hand, green blood shiny on the well maintained blade. And she comes closer, while she does so, her words filter through   
“...like a broken doll. Just like the synth are, is this too far away from your programming? I would say I’m sorry, but that’s a lie - wouldn’t honor your friend here very much, would it? While I am sure you know that he didn’t have to die. Okay, no, I would have killed him anyway. He’s as much an abomination as all of you are. Just not as… broken But he interrupted our little conversation so…” Elnor had been right, she talks too much. She doesn’t need a tool to hurt him, she does it with her voice but strangely, they don’t hurt as much as the ice in his chest, spreading from his heart through all of his limbs and numbing everything. The wall behind him he doesn’t feel, his legs shaking he doesn’t feel, that he has his hands in tight fists, presses his fingernails into the skin so hard his palm starts to bleed he doesn’t feel. He is weightless and when he talks, it’s not him, it’s with no common sense and with no self-preservation, it’s without a feeling he knows the name for. It’s Third of Five speaking. For how much she called him that, for as much as she wanted to draw him out, now she did. He could be put back in metal and wouldn’t know, the cold is the same and nothing changes, apart from his voice.   
  
“We may be, we may be broken, but we are still better than you. Because we are not so desperate to kill everything we don’t understand” He hears himself say it, but it sounds far away, choked off. It doesn’t matter if she kills him now, it doesn’t matter if she kills him later, nothing matters. Past, present, future, time is meaningless, irrelevant and not compatible, he doesn’t care if she kills him because she doesn’t while he is talking and she didn’t already. And maybe it’s better, the easiest way out. It’s a short pain and pain is irrelevant too. Dying is not a feeling like someone fills him with ice, dying is supposed to be different and even if it isn’t, if he dies now, if he dies now as Elnor did- the thought melts some of the ice but then it’s back with even more force than before, binds off his air completely, he feels his eyes burn and he is angry, he is incredibly angry, like nothing he ever felt and still stares at her face. He did it before, but this time, it’s just himself she can hurt. He has nothing else to lose, no matter what he says now, what he does now, he has nothing to lose. The others don’t need him, and the others need time to run and if this is all he can do, it’s the only choice. She killed his friends in front of his eyes and now she killed Elnor, she took away all he had for the second time and in this moment he knows, he knows that is all she could do. There is so much more he would gladly have her take, and some more he knows she can’t take from him.    
“You can hurt me, you can kill me, but you can never take away who I am. Because I am a person, and I am my own person, I am not scared of beings better than me and I am not a murderer. I am not controlled by anyone, I am not you. Because you are the one who loses all her dignity in fear of the unknown and you are the one who rather kills the unknown than to accept that it exists” He swallows and looks her directly in the eyes, he did that before too, on the Artifact, but before she killed them, it bored her then, he had been desperate then, tried to be brave and a leader and now he is none of that. He looks her in the eye because if he is going to die here, and he is not even scared of it, he dies as himself. Because the xBs died as themselves and Elnor died as himself and Picard will die as himself too, all of them in their place, doing what they had to. None of them deserve it, and Hugh doesn’t think he deserves it either. But Elnor died protecting Hugh, and Picard risked his life for a friend.   
“Because we fought for our place in this universe, we accepted what we did wrong. And we are trying to be better, we are doing it every single day, because we are not the monsters you want us to be. We are more living and feeling beings than you will ever be, we have more worth in us than you will ever have”

“You are just making it worse for yourself, do you notice that? I would have killed you fast and effective, since it didn’t work the first time, but now…” Has he gone mad? Is he as mad the xBs in the psychiatric ward now? Out of his mind, after all this time? Snapped like he thought he would long ago, cut away from the collective and put back in, with disharmoned voices in his head? He didn’t then. Maybe he saw too much and this is why he finally lost his mind, and if that is the case? Since nothing matters, this doesn’t either.

  
“You say it like I care. I don’t, not anymore. Do what you want, because I  _ know _ you are just afraid” He wants to say more, scream and spit in her face, but his head automatically snaps to the side when he hears it. There are voices coming closer, calling for him and Elnor - the others? He hears their steps on the metallic floor, thud thud thud - closer, so close, why are they here? Elnor is dead, Hugh himself too, they are too late, how is everyone always too late? Narissa’s hand is on his neck now and she is smiling, he hates this smile, it makes the anger inside of him burn, a cold fire he can’t control, doesn’t know what to do with

“Seems like I need to kill you later, but don’t think I won’t be looking forward to it” Later? What-   
The next moment, something hard collides with his temple.


	3. And from the edge of the universe...

A sound fills his head, all his senses are gone, but he is not. Something is wrong with his ears. It’s the first thing he notices when the heaviness lessens and the pressure lifts from his temples, something is wrong with them and they don’t work. Not like they are supposed to, at least, there is no doubt they do work, but he hears nothing more than a high ringing. A broken machine maybe? It’s loud, he doesn’t even know where it comes from, but it has been there for a while now. He knows his eyes are closed and they are for a reason, he isn’t gone but also not here. What is a while? The memory of a touch on his wrist, and he noticed and forgot, and voices. Voices, talking through the noise and it is… Is it important? What is important? He tries to blink, slowly, and there is harsh, white light that makes him close his eyes again. A lamp. A corridor. Even with his mind fuzzy, he knows where he is. Artifact. Corridor. That is all. As the sound slowly subsides, thankfully, maybe his ears will now start to work again? Or do they already? Because he hears, he feels around for something to reach, and finds his hand already supporting him on the floor.    
  
“...breathing, I’ll manage, find her!” Shouting, yes! Someone is shouting, close, not next to him, but close. He doesn’t want it to matter, his head hurts, warmth on his temple because… because… 

A choked whimper by someone else, familiar, he’s heard it before when…

Hugh’s eyes snap open. The world is out of focus, doubled, he blinks into the light and it sends long spikes through his brain. But it’s light, they need light. He recognizes Soji immediately, but while he knows just one of them is the real one, he sees two. And Elnor. Steps walking away, running, running is important because of the time… He finds himself slumped against the metal wall of the corridor, a few feet away. Because Elnor pushed him back. Because he wanted him to run and Hugh couldn’t.   
It all comes back to him, the fight, Narissa...

“Elnor” he breathes it more than that he says it, but it gets Sojis attention anyway. She is kneeling on the floor, and he can’t see her hands, the flashlight still illuminates a horrifying amount of blood on the floor. It makes him nauseous, it sends him back down the dark tunnel but this time, he keeps his grip on reality, this time, he manages to push it aside just enough to breathe. If he made a sound, Elnor is alive, if Soji is there with him, not moving away, he is alive. Hugh wipes his sleeve over his eye and hisses when he hits what is going to be a bruise later.

“He’s alive, but lost a lot of blood, I can’t stop the flow” For the first time now, he actually sees Soji’s hands. Or not, both of them are pressed down tightly, pressing Elnor to the floor in the process. Of course. It’s clean through-and-through. He sinks down next to them and knows that he won’t get up again any time soon. When he concentrates though, he may be able to ignore it - all of it, if it goes well.    
  
“We have to get him to a medical facility, we need to move-” He rasps out and coughs to clear his throat. His voice is pressed, his airways tight. 

“We can’t him move him like that, he will bleed out in minutes!” He will. It’s a miracle that he hasn’t already, when a much smaller- No.    
“Nearly all the power is knocked out, we barely got a few of the replicators back online for  _ some _ power, it’s not enough. I don’t know if the medical devices will even work” Replicators, xBs. Good. Elnor, infirmary, do something do something do something please just do something do-

“It’s right over there, there has to be  _ something _ ” She looks over to the door and nods. He tries to take mental stock of the place, but finds that he can’t. He only ran in, took his charge and went out, trying to get back to Elnor as fast as possible. Just that Narissa had been faster. The small box is still safe in his pocket. It’s there, and he pries his thoughts away from it - from what it could do. But no, there is no way, he won’t even think about it. He doesn’t dare, he doesn’t even dare to look at Elnor’s face yet, so how can he even think of the possibility of using...

“Press down here.” Soji disrupts him and before he can react, he replaces her hands, sticky and hot as his own are a moment later too. Elnor groans when Hugh presses down, and it’s only now that he actually realizes that he is awake - partially at least. It has to count for something, right? That he is awake is a good sign? Hugh knows about cognitive neuroscience, he can work with numbers and calculations, with psychology even. He’s taught himself everything he could find about the brain, always hoping it could come in handy later. It did, a few times, but right now he wishes he took more training in field medicine. Or any medicine that involves the body more than just the brain. What use is how the eye works, how sensual functions are located in the gyrus postcentralis or why someone loses speech, gets aphasic, with a damaged Broca-area? Object-permanence and agnosia? Yes, he had basic training in first aid. But when he tries to access that knowledge know, it comes down to  _ keep blood inside and get a professional _ , while his mind unhelpfully provides him with facts about brain-damage due to lack of oxygen after a person’s heart stops, about falling on the back of the head and how it impacts sight. He knows, it doesn’t even apply to the situation. If Elnor bleeds out, brain-damage will be the least of his problems he thinks sarcastically, and leans forward. Applies more pressure to the wound, which prompts another groan and finally, Hugh looks at his face. Elnor’s eyes don’t find him, they dart around, as if searching for anything to hold on to, but they fall closed several times and Hugh feels as if someone puts hot metal chains around his torso and pulls them tight. And tighter.

“Elnor, look at me. Stay awake, and look at me” He pleads and looks to the door a few feet back, Soji already inside. When he looks back down, Elnor’s eyes finally meet his and he frowns. It seems like he wants to say something, and then he stops, frowns more and tries again

“You…?” It doesn’t matter what he tries and fails to say. Time for that later, Hugh thinks, time for that later hopefully. No, definitely. Later. So much to talk about later, so much to do later. Later, because both of them will still be alive by then.

“Yes, yes that’s me, I’m here, I’m here. I’m right here, and you need to stay here too, alright?”  _ I’m not going to leave you _ , it echoes in his ears even if it was said days ago. He is not letting Elnor out of that promise now, and if the rules were his, not ever. 

“She has…” He just shakes his head, 

“Don’t talk, don’t talk for now. Seven went after her, we’ll focus on you now, alright? And you are going to stay awake, so we can think of a way out” But Elnor shakes his head in return, wincing and letting it stay turned to the side, looking away towards the wall. Looking away from Hugh. He can’t see his eyes, if they are open, the chains feel tighter and push the panic upwards. He can’t panic now, not now. The blood sticks, crusts on the back of his hand. Fast. So fast. There seems to be so much on the floor, how is there still some left in him? Of course he knows, if they are lucky, no major arteries or organs were hit. But if there were not, how is he bleeding so much? He wishes he knew how much time passed between him passing out (halfway, he convinces himself) and waking up. Not much. Hopefully not enough for the damage to be fatal. Would he still be here? Soji? The short answer is yes. All of them would. Because as much as Elnor sees himself as someone who doesn’t fit in, with the crew around Picard he fits perfectly, seeing hope in hopelessness, never giving up despite all odds. It’s not less than Hugh’s own life-story, the crew around Picard not giving up. So yes, Elnor fits perfectly. Picard is like a magnet, and Soji, Seven, Elnor and Hugh himself, they all stick to it. All of them would try everything in their power to save friend, and it makes Hugh think of the Nanos again. Is it even a bad idea? If Soji finds nothing that could help, if really all the power is knocked out… They don’t need any. They get it from the body itself, just enough. A cold hand sluggishly grips at his wrist and he forces his attention back to the now.

“...has my sword. I need… need it back” His… Of course. She took it, and she ran, and… and… 

“You will get it back” he promises. The door to the infirmary a few steps back remains open, nothing changes, nothing can change, he can hear clattering where Soji likely raides the cabinets. It makes him think of something else, something she won’t find and something she wouldn’t remember. It’s still safely tucked away in his pocket.    
“Why is it so important? You need to tell me, when this is over. The whole story” Of course he knows. Of course he knows it’s important, and he can guess why, but maybe it keeps Elnor awake for now, and Hugh occupied. There is so much blood on his hands, between his fingers, Elnor’s blood. Pressing down on it hurts him, he doesn’t know what is worse, seeing him getting hurt or hurting him to (maybe, hopefully) save his life. 

“It was a… present” A sword as present - of course it makes sense, it fits so well. He wants to hear the whole story in their room, at night, with everyone asleep. With both of them staying because how could he think about anything else right now? He wants to hear how Elnor got his sword as a gift and every detail. It could be concerning, but they are way past concerning stories from their lives at this point. Which is made even sadder by how they both could tell three new ones, only from the span of the last two weeks. 

* * *

“It was a present” Elnor nearly chokes on the words. Between the pain and the fear, the panic inside of him rises higher. Zani gave it to him. He knew he could never fit in, he knew and she knew and she gave him the sword. It’s not one of theirs, it’s not any sword. It is just his. While he is not and could never be one of them, she still made sure he knew that he was something else, not normal. He vowed to treasure it, he cared for it and he honored it. It had been made for him. Only for him. It had been made in the same way all the swords of the Quawt Milat were made, with a different grip. A different material, because he himself is different from them but still- It’s all he can think about. Zani would be disappointed, if she knew - but she doesn’t know, does she? Because he is so far away from any place he would call home, bleeding out in a dark hallway. He thinks in circles, between Narissa and Hugh and Zani and so back to Narissa.    
How did it happen? How did they get here? How did he not see her sooner? He should have, why didn’t he? Closing his eyes sounds sweet, it’s already dark, it wouldn’t really make a difference, would it? For a moment, he wouldn’t be here. Wouldn’t have to hear. He could be home, not even home on Vashti, maybe home with his parents. Which is interesting, since they are dead, is there a chance he’d meet them when he dies? No, he is not going to die, he can’t. He made a promise and he needs to keep that promise. Does he? And again, does it make a difference, when… when… No. He can’t die, not now. He feels like he is dying, though. Hugh is talking, or at least he thinks he is - he can make out his voice, just not the words. Maybe he could. It feels like a question, and he asked questions before. Which made Elnor think of Zani, who is far away and who… who...   
He is stabbed all over again a moment later

“Stay with me, Elnor, look at me” He squeezes his eyes closed and pressed his lips together to tightly they tingle to suppress a scream, he doesn’t know if he makes a sound, if he is even there anymore because only the pain exists, the tearing apart of his body exists and the heat where he feels cold otherwise,  _ please stop, please stop I’m begging you please stop, it hurts, help me! _ _   
_ “Sorry, I am so sorry, I don’t want to… You have to stay with me” Elnor hears him and hears himself now again too. His own breathing, panting, and pain means he is alive. He needs to remember that he can’t die, that he won’t allow himself to. It’s easy to forget, though.   
“To ask how you’re feeling is stupid, so I won’t. But stay with me, and I will ask you a million times later” How he is feeling? How? No, what, what is he feeling, because it’s only pain and… cold. He is freezing, the metal beneath his hand is cold and he is cold and what he sees is cold. Just cold. 

“I’m cold” he hears someone say and realizes that it’s him only after. 

“You lost a lot of blood-” there is more to the sentence, he can see it in the way Hugh presses his lips together and looks away again. He shouldn’t lose blood. How did he lose it? He nearly laughs at the thought, wasn’t he always expected to clean up his room? To have his few belongings in order? And now he lost blood? How did he manage that? Is he truly that chaotic? He chuckles at the thought, and Hugh looks at him with this puzzled face of utter confusion, like the day Elnor showed him the cat-pillow he replicated. It just makes him laugh even more, and before he knows it, he is actually laughing. It hurts, the pain bringing tears and laughing and crying turn into the same thing. It’s hilarious and it hurts, but he can’t really stop.

“I’m going to panic if you go delirious on me now, so can you ...not?” He laughs even more at the thought and the wording and how it’s actually a question. It’s a bad idea, but he can’t stop, he moves too much and he pain sucks the air out of his lungs. Coughing for air the next moment, it sends new waves of pain through his body. As if he were a machine and all the cables inside of him were on fire - it makes him laugh again but it’s not as funny as the thought of losing blood. Someone cries out in pain and really, how can he miss himself making noise? Not good for a warrior, Zani would… Zani… This time, he can’t stop and can’t miss himself whimpering again. Zani isn’t here, he is alone. Not alone, Hugh is here, and Hugh is… is…    
“Elnor, stay with me, don’t leave me, please, come on!” He blinks again when he hears the panic in his voice, feels warmth on his hand. It’s closed around Hugh’s wrist so tight his own fingers hurt. 

“Right here…” he tries to smile or squeeze Hugh’s arm. Should he comfort Hugh or the other way around? He isn’t sure right now, but he already thinks about something else, “I won’t leave” It feels like a joke now, somehow, and it’s more said as an automatic response, maybe this time, they can both laugh about it. Just that Hugh doesn’t seem to get it - he doesn’t even look at him. He looks to his side and talks, and it makes no sense. Elnor hears them talk, and he weakly tries to reach for anything, anyone, what if Narissa is back? He finds his hand loosely hanging wrapped in Hugh’s sleeve. Did he put it there? He can’t remember. Are they talking about him? He hears them but can’t listen. The more he tries, the more frustrated he gets when he can’t follow. Hugh is talking to the shadows, but he faintly knows that someone else had been here before and is likely here again. How did he laugh about it before? How did he have the energy to laugh? It’s certainly gone now.

“We are getting you to the infirmary now, Soji is here” Hugh stopped talking to the shadow and has turned back to him now, his mind realizes sluggishly, he missed it. Infirmary. The word rings a bell. Maybe it’s warmer there, he is cold. Cold and colder and freezing, he thinks about fire under his fingers and ice around his body because he is too weak to shiver and it’s not him who is on fire, it’s Hugh, just that he is not right now and wasn’t actually then, but still burning hot and hot and…    
Hands on his shoulders, warm, hands gone from the wound, hurts, cold, and something else because he is light and he thought it couldn’t get worse but it does - and then he is gone.

* * *

Hugh feels cold wash over his back when he realizes that Elnor passed out. He could have guessed it, but he is completely gone when Soji puts him on the nearest bed. It’s screwed to the floor, he wants to contemplate on that, and doesn’t. Soji puts his hands on the wound again, a thick towel between them and the blood now, one on the bed so Elnor is laying on it, applying pressure this way. His clothes are soaked, Hugh doesn’t look back to the corridor or how it looks now. He wants to look what she does because it’s important, he thinks, it has to be, if he misses it he may miss something crucial. Just that he can’t look away from the bed and when he does, he can’t not look at Elnor. He looks like he is sleeping, and not. The light is wrong, between the green emergency patches on the walls and the light he carried, Soji has her own. Some tiny part of Hugh’s mind hopes everything looks worse than it is because of the place and their shared history, it’s only the light’s fault. Of course that is not even close to the truth. Nothing can take away the sounds he made from Hugh’s mind, nothing can delete his cries of pain when Hugh tightened the pressure to keep him awake, how he kept himself from screaming or how Hugh still feels the pressure from his fingers on his wrist, how it tingles to get the blood inside of it flowing again. Because the blood is inside, at least.    
Elnor is breathing, shallow but definitely breathing, and suddenly, Hugh knows what is going to happen. He has already made his decision, and it’s an easy one, even an obvious one. He knows he is going to stay here. Right here. His duty is to protect the xBs - and he can’t do it. He didn’t even realize Narissa is still on the ship, he had been frozen with panic, he’d be a fool to deny it. With his swimming head and the careful steps he took when he got up too quickly and had to grip the wall for support to not create an emergency for himself. He is useless this way, slows them down. He can’t help them, it hurts, it drives him mad to think about it, like all truths one denied for too long and can’t change do. Soji can, Seven already did, and maybe, just for now, he needs to let them. There is only one thing he can do, that they can’t, and it keeps him from going actually mad. He can save Elnor this time. And he can stay with him this time.    
Soji comes back and hangs a bag with dark liquid next to the bed. It’s screwed to the floor like the furniture in the rooms, and he’s never found himself wondering why except for the second time now, when he is grateful for it. He doesn’t miss how she looks over to the door every few seconds before putting the needle in Elnor’s arm and turning around. Her expression stays the same, grim and unreadable, maybe he could with better light.    
  


“We are like sitting ducks, if Narissa is here, Narek might be too, but we can’t move him. And nothing works, I looked through all the cabinets, nothing is functional. Same with our ship, just that the surge...” Her voice is tense and her eyes remain fixed on the dark doorway while she explains what most likely happened. He can’t listen, he already put pieces together that could look like they should be, and it doesn’t matter why nothing works. None of the equipment here isn’t fused to the main power grid, and the mobile devices are not here, they both know where they are. It doesn’t matter, they are unreachable now. He can’t stand to listen to her think when he thinks too much himself.    
  


“Then go help Seven, I’ll deal with Elnor, but I can’t have her hurt another one of my friends!” His voice is loud, too loud, too impatient in the absolute silence that isn’t filled by anything else. They didn’t even discuss anything, they didn’t argue and there was no reason why he has a right to react that way. He never shouts, never raises his voice, and now it’s the second time in the span of today. By how Soji looks at him, she is as surprised as he is. He can’t do anything to help them. He couldn’t before. He was a fool to ever think he was ever able to protect them from more than bureaucracy, he was an idiot to try, maybe even. And he tried. But now, now he can’t help them, while he knows he can help Elnor. He knows he can save him, but he doubts that anyone would agree. And they don’t have the time for it, no, Elnor doesn’t have the time for it. Which means, as much as it terrifies him, he needs her to leave. He takes a breath and tries to calm himself. He wants to think of anything that makes him feel calmer, better. There is nothing that could.    
“We have to do something, anything. Please, Soji” He She looks to the door again and he sees her shoulders slump - he won. It doesn’t feel like victory at all when she nods. There is a weird look on her face, does she suspect what he is about to do? She can’t, can she? 

“Whatever you’ll do… Whatever your plan is, hurry. He needs another blood transfusion in every case” Her reaction tells him that she thought of the same, but didn’t say anything, and for a moment he remembers that he had been in charge of this place only a few weeks ago. 

“Take them to safety, and Picard with them. Anywhere, just not here” She doesn’t answer and even hesitates for a moment, but he just nods over to the door, not even looking when she leaves, just grateful that she does and in the same breath, terrified.

His eyes are on Elnor’s face again. Maybe it’s better that he passed out for good, it’s no good sign but he also can’t argue. And he would, if he knew. (Would he?)   
The project Artifact has failed. He doubts anyone will come looking for the xBs, or even be interested in the research they did here. It hurts, but it is most likely true. (They never really mattered, did they?) A part in a powerplay, nothing more. Nothing now, stranded on Coppelius. And it’s his own Nanobots. He shoves the thought around in his mind, left and right and left again, but he can’t think of another option. Nothing they could do would save him, without power, without a chance to beam back to their ship. And even there, they don’t have enough equipment for someone who is not human, and Elnor is Romulan - on a ship formerly inhabitat by a lot of Romulans. They have blood on the medbay, and Hugh knows how to work an IV, they have equipment there and it’s knocked cold. Even if he replaces part of the blood, hell, even all of it, it’s not going to help. Just dead machines. Dead- “Hold on, just… Stay with me” He whispers again, even if Elnor stays unconscious, “I can’t do this. Not again, I need to tell you something and I can’t do this when you are dead, do you hear me? I still need to tell you, so you have to survive now. I won’t let anything else happen, do you hear me? I won’t, you told me Narissa would never hurt me again, or anybody else. This has to be true after today, but that also means, that you have to be alive for it, because if not then you lied and you told me, you couldn’t do that” he swallows against the lump in his throat but it doesn’t help much, “Seven is going to get your sword back, and… and…” He closes his eyes to keep the tears forming in them from spilling, “You can hate me for my solution afterwards, it’s fine. But you will be alive and that is all that matters” His voice gives out in the last sentence.   
He puts Elnor’s own hands on the bloody towel. It’s not enough pressure, but it stays in place nevertheless, he doesn’t even check if it does. He has made his decision, he knows exactly what he is going to do. He knows how he can save Elnor’s life, and it’s risky, it’s reckless, he would never do that, but it also is their only hope right now. Because Elnor saved Hugh, so many times now. Too many times even, he saved him and he got hurt in the process every time, and every time, there was nothing to do to help. This time he can at least think of something - but this time, it is so much more serious. This time, it’s life or death, not a broken nose, no, it’s the trauma from this dark and hostile place combined with Narissa and a bleeding stab wound. There is no easy coming back from this. 

Hugh concentrates on the second blood replacement first, only with everything in place he tries it. At least it’s an infirmary. Small mercies, he counts them, all of them. At least they are not in the open - one. Two, they are in an infirmary, three, due to the people who worked here, it’s easy to get a neutral bag of romulan blood. He gets stuck at three, but only because he is busy. He tried to find anything to help, anything apart from the Nanos, before realizing that he it’s only a waste of time. Nothing works. The only place that may still function is the queencell, but he doesn’t fancy going there again soon. Especially not now. He is using time nobody has. And grabs the next hypospray. The liquid in the tiny container, he remembers it all too well. The experiments and the theories, the possibilities and how somehow, he had been glad that it didn’t really work. Before he can change his mind again, he puts the container in and pulls away Elnor’s hands and the towel, so the wound lies free. He doesn’t want any cloth in the wound, this has never been tested before. Still better than dying. Still better than dying. And if he tells himself that a few hundred more times, he might even believe it.    
_ I’m sorry _ he wants to say it but doesn’t, as he pushes the hypospray down inches above Elnor’s heart. 

All is quiet for a moment. Elnor’s breathing is the only sound in the room, it’s louder than Hugh’s. They’ll need a moment… he hopes. He didn’t even think about what to do if it doesn’t work. He ignores the possibility so far. Was it the right decision? It doesn’t matter, he had to do  _ something _ . What if there is nothing happening? Or even worse, what if he doomed Elnor altogether now? Which of the options is worse, actually? Could the Power Surge have knocked the Nanos out too? Like it did with the equipment? But no - then the xBs would have died too. There is still a chance they don’t work. That there is no other solution doesn’t mean this one is good, far from it. It’s just a chance, a tiny shard of a chance that he builds on now. A tiny shimmer of hope. At least, if there is one thing he knows by now it’s that he can trust hope when Elnor is involved. He trusted it before, he really did, and always wished he could stop. Always wished he could cut himself off from hoping, always hoping, always trusting to some degree. Because he wanted to. He knows why, he knows it’s because he had been used to others, to sharing thoughts and the concept of lies had been foreign to him. Until Lore. After that, he doubted everything, or tried to, but also found that he simply could not do that. He stopped trusting too much after some time, but still put too much hope in people. Tasks. Ideas. Everything. It always came back to haunt him, until, yes, until he realized the presence of the Tal Shiar on the Artifact. He stopped trusting altogether, and he stopped hoping. When he thinks about it now, and he can’t really do anything else, he looks around the room and sighs. He should have known then. So maybe he had still trusted too much when he thought he didn’t anymore. Maybe that is why he doesn’t trust himself, or the Nanos, or the thing he just did. Because he worked on them too, and what if he forgot something? What if he is missing information? Any part of it? What if-

Elnor gasps and his eyes open, are unfocused when Hugh leans forward, all thoughts gone for a moment, his hands flat on the mattress so he can look for a sign, any sign something is happening. He grabs Elnor’s wrist out of reflex, and his fingers stick, but there it is. His pulse changed, it’s faster now. Is it just his imagination? No, it can’t be. He looks down to the wound. It’s still open, still wet - but there is no fresh blood as far as he can see it. 

“Elnor? It works, do you hear me? It’s working” He whispers and puts his head down, his forehead on Elnor’s chest and just closes his eyes. It’s working. It’s working, Elnor is going to live. He knows nothing about the effects, he knows nothing about anything but Elnor is going to live, and that is all that counts. Elnor is going to live. He will survive, they’ll find a way to figure things out later but for now, it doesn’t matter - Elnor is going to live.    
“It’s working, you are not going to die. You are not going to die, she didn’t kill you too” He knows where Elnor’s heart is, of course. Heard it beating. Knows how close it is to the stab wound. He can’t hear it now, so the pulse at his fingertips is all he has.    
The moment he sees that the Nanos are working, the tension in his body subsides. As well as the adrenalin. He walked around wired, ignoring the pounding pain in his temple, the exhaustion, the way his lungs hurt. Now, with his head on Elnor’s chest, it comes back, only now he actually realizes how his hands shake, how his whole body trembles. He can’t keep standing, even leaned forward he can’t. With some difficulty, he lifts his head and he looks around for the nearest chair or bed or anything he could sit on. When he finds nothing close enough, he just slumps down next to the bed and leans his head on the metal. It’s not an examination table, so it’s low enough that he can still see Elnor while sitting down and he reaches to grab his hand again, before realizing that both his and Hugh’s are so bloody they are sticking together. Green blood is all over his sleeves, but they are black. He still feels the wetness, and if his nose wasn’t stuffed he would definitely smell it too. He needs to clean this up. His hands itch from it, but he is too exhausted to move and he needs both of them, one to feel Elnor’s pulse and one to brace himself against the floor. He knows he should, he wants to, it’s disgusting and will bring up the bad memories in time. He is even too exhausted to think. 

“I am… Going to find something for that” he mumbles and looks around the room. Too far away, everything, out of reach. He leans his head back and allows himself to close his eyes - he is still too wired to sleep, he won’t allow himself to sleep. But he needs to do this now. The lump in his throat is still there. If he were alone, he could just curl into a ball and hide and cry until he feels better, not that he allows himself to do so often, but sometimes it helps. With Elnor, it helped. When the tension is gone, it always leaves him shaking and broken on the floor. Whatever kept him upright leaves and he relied too much on it to simply go back to normal. It’s worse now. He slumps against the bed sideways, too tired to sit unsupported. Too exhausted to do anything. It’s not over yet, nothing is over yet. Elnor could still die, Narissa could come back everything can still happen. But for a short moment, they are here, they are here and alive. Both of them. And for a moment, he can do nothing, physically and emotionally. The metal is only cool for a moment against his head, then it’s as warm as his skin. It’s fine, he is going to be fine. Elnor is going to be fine. 

“I still need to tell you” he whispers and opens his eyes to look ahead. He is not going to talk to Elnor while he is unconscious - either he can’t hear it, or it’s going to create tension between them later. He thinks what he wants to say and then locks it away, he is so tired and he wishes he could say something, hear someone. The Artifact is quiet, it was always filled with noise from others or machines, but now he is alone again. In the absolute silence. Everything is better than absolute silence, when he can hear is own thoughts, his own heart beating, his breathing so much louder than it should be. He can be alone, he manages to be alone, but he can’t be in silence. It means danger, it means that he is cut off. But he can’t even hear the others in the back of his mind now, he cut himself off as to not transmit his panic. Maybe too late. They can’t cope, they have their own to deal with, and his would overwhelm them. But they are safe, with Soji and with the others. The others who hopefully won’t come looking for him just yet. While he needs noise, he is not ready to face the others. Face what he did, tell them. How is he going to tell them? How is he going to tell Elnor? He has to, but how? Can he understand? The terrifying truth is that he doesn’t know. How would, no, will he react? If it works, and if- the dark tunnel opens again, tries to get him and he nearly misses the steps on the metal floor outside the infirmary, until they are too close to hide.


	4. to the corner of our room (So in the picture of everything, we are the tiny spots making it shine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven is a badass, Elnor is adorable and Hugh is confused. What else is new, I may ask? Oh, yes, the Nanos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Ailendolin for commenting <3 I'll answer tomorrow, but need to say this because you have no idea how much that means to me *sending hugs*  
> (Also, this is the first part in this series, where they don't hug. I am a horrible person. Maty out.)

Hugh looks around for anything to defend himself when he finally notices, just that there is nothing he could use. The hypospray in his hand is empty, what would he do with it anyway, he won’t be fast enough to get something else, and in general - he won’t stand a chance against Narissa. Not in a thousand years, definitely not now, he wants to hit himself on the head for even thinking it, and even more for sending Soji away. To leave Elnor is out of the question too, as is hiding in any other way. He is as defenseless as can be, this time, Elnor is not behind a corner. He sent Soji away himself. He stands on shaky legs in front of Elnor, it won’t do much, but the steps are so close and here and- 

“It’s just me” he crumbles when he hears Seven’s voice. Not only emotionally, standing becomes impossible all of a sudden, and he leans against the bed but it’s not high enough, so he is back on the floor before he knows it. It’s Seven. It’s just Seven, not Narissa. Seven being here means something good, it has to, he is just too drained of any energy that he might have ever possessed to really grasp the concept apart from good. Seven. Good. 

“Oh for- Hugh, you can breathe” he’s heard it several times today and still he seems to need the reminder, he didn’t even notice the tightness in his chest before now, or how he ridiculously held his breath again. Warm air fills his lungs and he swallows against the lump in his throat. It’s just Seven, why is he acting that way?

“Good” Something clatters to the floor and he sees Elnor’s sword flash up in the light for a moment.

“Elnor asked about that” it’s not much more than a whisper, “It was a present” by the people who might as well be his family. He knows a lot about that sword by now. Its importance. He wants to dwell on it, but Seven is here and she grounds him to reality.

“Now it’s back with him. The Tal Shiar won’t cause us any trouble for some time” He raises his eyebrows but it’s a weak attempt, because really, he doesn’t want to know. The need for not-knowing fights with the question for every little detail to make sure she is not and never coming back, not-knowing wins for now, though.

“Let’s say Narissa is taken care of. Indefinitely” 

Taken care of. Does that mean she is gone? Forever? For now? No, not-knowing, not-asking is better, for now, he decided on that and he won’t take it back, will he? He fears a repetition of Elnor’s words, of how she won’t hurt anybody else ever again, but it doesn’t come. He remembers the other things Elnor said to him -  _ for as long as I live _ , and how that nearly meant minutes. Hugh has a great memory. Maybe parts of it are still technically altered, and likely he owes the ability to the Borg. He remembers nearly every word ever said to him - he remembers everything Elnor told him in sickbay. More than he wants to admit to. For the first time in his life, he feels like someone actually knows him. Looked past the walls he so carefully built around himself. Of course Elnor nearly died. Like everyone important to him does. After he promised not to leave. It almost seems like the people who don’t leave, are made to do so. Who doesn’t choose, gets the choice made. It hurts, to think that he is better off alone, not because it’s good for, but the people  _ close to _ him. He chose to walk away before, when the crew of the Enterprise first cut him off - he chose to leave as to not put them in danger. Maybe he should make the same choice again, just with Elnor. Maybe he should leave himself, even if they had the topic already, maybe he should leave to keep him safe. He’d have to do it now though, and he can’t with Seven here. Maybe, if he had the energy, he could convince himself that it is only that - that it is not the pain in his chest and the knot in his throat when he even thinks about it. He doesn’t want to leave. But also, is it maybe the best option?    
Something nudges his shoulder and he remembers that he is not alone, that the space inside of his mind is not reality.

“Give me your hand” He looks up to Seven blankly. His hand? “Oh come on” He blinks and she crouches next to him, a cloth in her hand and starts cleaning the blood off his fingers. He takes a moment to register it. His fingers are his own. The blood on it is not. Her hand is cold on his skin before he takes over himself. Scratching and rubbing the blood away, it’s sticky and he didn’t forget about it, but it also lost meaning in between. How? It’s Elnor’s blood. He even may have had it on his hands before, days before, actually, in sickbay. He still doesn’t remember the incident, and technically he knows he can’t, because he wasn’t aware of anything. The incident is settled, technically, it just comes back now. Only when Seven tugs the cloth away he realizes that for the last minute, he scratched the exact same spot on his hand. It feels burned.

“That’s a lot better” he looks over to Elnor to realize that the blood is gone from his hand too. As is the soaked towel from before. Apart from the dark stain still on his clothes, he almost looks asleep now, and Hugh automatically looks for a blanket, anything to make him more comfortable - if he had the energy, to get up and grab one. He doesn’t. He wishes he had. 

“Your head?” Seven gestures for him to turn it to the side and he obeys without thinking at first.

“Fine” It’s a lie, because his temple throbs, the area feels swollen. He hasn’t dared to touch it yet. 

“Tell that to the bruise there” her fingers are cold when she turns his head to the side, then up, to look at it, and he lets her, even as she shines the flashlight in his face, “apart from that, just a scratch. How many fingers?” 

“42” he answers automatically without looking and hears her scoff. She puts the flashlight down and he is grateful. By now, he’s too used to the dim light and the green tint over everything. He misses daylight. It’s warm in here, sticky-warm and he misses daylight and the light of a star. It’s yellow not white, and not harsh while still warm. He craves the warmth of fresh air, and not the stale taste on his tongue. He had it for so long that he forgot how it could be different, and only coming back here he realized how metallic the air tasted, how it always smelled recreated. Before it had been their smallest problem, but now it bothers him. The thought that he lived here is even worse. It’s so far from what he used to call home - a few meters down the hallway his home still is, just that it is nothing like it anymore. Ironically, Elnor feels more like he imagined home to feel than anything else.

“It’s three” he adds, too late, her hand is already down. 

“I see, but at least you are talking to me now” She sits down beside him and he feels bad for reacting that way, she is trying to help and he should let her. 

“So, you don’t seem concussed, Tal Shiar agent is gone, xBs are safely outside” they are? He feels some tension from his shoulders leave, it being replaced by guilt for not asking himself.

“And the kid is not immediately dying anymore” He isn’t, and he can’t tell Seven why. With everybody else, he maybe could, there is not a chance he can now. He won’t be able to lie if she asks, he is too exhausted to put effort into it, he is too tired to even feel bad for it now. Frustration creeps up his neck, and the stupid urge to cry he would never give in to. To huddle in a corner and hide. Hiding always seems like such a good option. Just never at the right time. 

“I was in the corridor and she was just… there, one second to the next” he starts to tell after a few minutes of silence, ”I panicked, and after I calmed down enough to walk away, she came back. Elnor was distracted for a moment and… she got him” He looks away, can’t stand to look at her. All of his friends are brave, she chased Narissa, Elnor stood in front of him and it nearly cost him his life. And Hugh? He panicked. He doesn’t deserve their friendship, love, he doesn’t deserve something he can’t give back in the slightest. A friendship goes both ways, they have to listen to each other, and they have to work with each other, he can’t even remotely protect Elnor, and he doesn’t even dare to put Seven in the same thought. It’s always them saving him, and not the other way around. He can’t even help, no, Elnor nearly died because it was Hugh who panicked, and it was Hugh who couldn’t move.

“He protected me” 

“Stop” 

“I’m sorry?”   
  
“I don’t need to be linked to you to know that you are beating yourself up over this. I can practically feel you punching yourself. So please, Hugh, stop. And I think Elnor would tell you the same” It’s a mean trick, to talk about Elnor. On the one hand, because of course she is right, but also, because he is still here with them, and he just wishes he would say something.

“I’m a coward. I panicked, and then I was just useless,  _ again _ ” Seven chuckles and leans to the side. Why is everything always so damn funny to anyone but him?!

“You literally told her to go fuck herself, I think that is pretty brave” That is too much - he didn’t use those words. He wants to say that he had something of the kind in mind, but that is not true. Desperation is not bravery, at least not in his opinion

“It didn’t feel that way. I thought that she killed Elnor, and I decided that if she did… I didn’t want to go silently” He looks to the side again but Elnor hasn’t moved. While he knows he’d feel every movement, he can’t help but check. 

“So, you told her everything you always wanted to scream at her but never thought you could” She turns her head to the side to look at him, “Don’t tell me you did not imagine it a thousand times while knowing you wouldn’t ever get the chance” There is something in the way she says it that tells him that she speaks from experience. “And then you did. You told her. You should be proud of that” It’s the bitterness in her voice that gives her away. She had a situation like this and didn’t get to say her words. He wants to ask, but it’s not like Seven likes to talk about more than she has to. He wants to believe he is the exception, but he is not, and nobody really is.

“You are brave, and one day you might even see that” 

“I was blaming myself, over and over and over again - because I didn’t give Picard up, and because I doomed them, or I thought I did. Seeing her, right there… It wasn’t my fault. I just can’t deal with the fact that I can’t change what happened. And I didn’t want to go out like nothing, so I… stopped thinking” 

“Nobody would ever blame you, apart from yourself. That’s the catch with the mind - you can get told that it wasn’t your fault a billion times, until, in the most unexpected moment, you finally get it. And it hits you with a hammer” Again, she knows what she is talking about, and this time, he dares to ask.

“That is… Accurate” He looks over to the doorway again, “Do you maybe want to tell me what has you knowing that?” He can’t read her face in the dim light, and he isn’t sure he would see something even if he could, “What happened? Are you alright? We can stop talking about my horrors now, especially since-” He realizes that he has no idea what actually happened to Narissa now. Seven looks relatively unharmed, and he just assumed that… No. He didn’t assume anything, he didn’t really care. Seven is here, and that means Narissa is either gone, or… anything close. Maybe he doesn’t really want to know.

“She won’t cause any trouble again” she repeats and Hugh shakes his head. Not a telling answer, but he can work with it. No trouble anymore - it’s like the time for that later he had with Elnor before.

“Not my question”

“I will be. You?” Hugh turns his head back to Elnor. He wishes he could say that there is some color returning to his cheeks, but he can’t without better light.

“Of course” he tries quietly, “one day” Seven scoffs. 

  
“Only caring about others will get you killed _ one day _ ”

“Coming from you?” She shakes her head and pulls herself up again, leans the sword against the bed.

“You should use those words more often - I know your primary weapon is sarcasm, but you bought us quite a lot of time in talking” 

“I’ll think about it” No, stop - time? “How did I buy you time?” 

“One of your xBs - Maldine? - she told me something was wrong. It seems like you couldn’t cut the connection early enough, and they noticed. It didn’t take long to find you two, gladly” 

“A little later and Elnor…” he sighs, can’t say it out loud, but there is something else. “How is Maldine doing? The feedback from too many feelings hurts, even with the weak link” if it’s all she ever relied on. And she still does, she is too new, too freshly separated. While… No. Not anymore. It’s been weeks since he’s been the director of the Artifact. Now, none of that is true anymore.

“She’ll likely have a headache now, but seemed okay to me. They are not children, they can handle some things on their own, Hugh” They are not, Seven is right. They have the minds of them, though. And he thinks he has the right to be protective, especially now. Or maybe not. Maybe he lost that right and maybe he never had it.

“I saw her run after she knocked you out” He tries to clear his head - Maldine didn’t run? The confusion must be clear in his face, “Narissa. Soji and I arrived here, heard you two talk. Intervened, and she ran away. I followed her. After she knocked you out, I don’t know how much you got in between” There it is again, time. Between Narissa running and him getting his bearings again, only a minute or two can have passed. It’s a little comforting, somehow.

“I don’t understand why she didn’t kill me. She tried before” He admits, still from his space on the floor. He doesn’t even try now, exhaustion has a firm grip on him and he stays put. He can watch Elnor this way, even put his arms on the firm mattress to make sure he doesn’t miss anything. 

“Last time she failed, maybe she wanted to make sure it worked this time. And miscalculated” It sounds wrong in his ears. She wouldn’t miscalculate. Not with Hugh, at least. It’s not hard to hurt him when one knows the weak spots of another person - it’s the xBs with him, and undoubtedly Elnor. For Elnor it’s the other way around. It was because of Hugh that he got distracted. And it was because of Elnor that Hugh had been far away with his thoughts when he was supposed to just grab the Nanos and leave. It’s also because of Elnor that he is alive. If Narissa got him, if he went alone altogether… Elnor wouldn’t have been hurt. Or, no, wrong, he would have been hurt, just differently. Someone is not calculated in the equations - and it’s Seven of Nine. She hadn’t been before or Hugh and Elnor wouldn’t have made it off the Artifact alive, and now, she fell out again. 

“She underestimated you” And then, after a pause, “thank you again” How many times has it been now, that he had to be saved? It’s humiliating when he dwells on it and so he doesn’t, but this is not even the biggest problem. Before that, he had been on his own. And saved himself. It’s a warm feeling, thinking about how someone else is here too now. He still doesn’t like it, though. Why would he, if the others get hurt. 

“Then, again - don’t mention it” He tries to smile, and the muscles in his face may cooperate enough for it to not look like a grimace to her. 

“Are you alright here?” Hugh nods. He can’t leave now, not even with Seven here. Because of the Nanos, because he is tired, because he needs to be with the xBs, but it breaks his heart to leave Elnor like that. Without a word. He can’t leave and it’s not even a question proposed to him he realizes a second later - he thinks like he should again, when there is no reason to. He can stay, accept what he wouldn’t accept otherwise. That it’s the best thing he can do. So he squeezes Elnor’s hand and nods again. 

“I’ll wait for Elnor to wake up and… then we’ll see” 

  
  


It’s what he does. He waits for Elnor to wake up. He hopes he’ll wake up - being himself, being still Elnor. At some point, he drags himself over to the cupboard and gets another towel, not a blanket, there are no blankets he notices, to make a pillow with. Elnor’s hair is not open, and Hugh briefly thinks about the mornings he woke up with it in his face, because long hair is a curse in his opinion. he likes Elnor’s, but never really lets the thought happen because it is strange -  _ I like your hair. And yes, by the way, all of you because I may lo- _ No. Important matters first. The wound is closed now. He shines his flashlight over it - only left is a scar. A medical device wouldn’t have left one, the nanos did. Otherwise, there is no sign of anything else. Elnor feels cold to the touch, not ice-cold like before, when he was shivering, but still relatively cool for the warmth in the ship. The entire time, he keeps quiet. He’d have ideas of what to say, of course. But he is not one to talk to unconscious people, even if they don’t have a lot of time, he doesn’t want to wake him if he still needs to rest now. 

He should leave, still. Get Seven to look after Elnor for now and go, find some way for himself and the xBs to leave the planet. They are so far out, so far away, they can find a foreign planet. They can… could...   
He hangs his head and closes his eyes. 

It’s not remotely realistic. Even thinking about leaving Elnor behind without a word, even the thought of a clean cut like that hurts him. How will it then hurt Elnor? If it’s just for both of their bests then he would take the pain onto himself, gladly even, but it’s not. He knows Elnor enough by now to know that he would likely follow him to the end of the universe if they have unanswered questions between them. Unsolved words. And, and in the end, that is what makes it even worse, it will hurt the most. They both have their own issues with being left, and Elnor was left behind by Picard, the same Picard, who is dying now. So no. He can’t leave. He acted like a coward before, if he ran away now, it would be even worse cowardience. He leans over the bed to have his head rest on his arms.    
How did he get here? How? With the woulds and shoulds. 

Elnor breathes calmly, Seven cleaned the blood off his hands, did, what Hugh was too tired to do. If he closes his eyes and concentrates on it, he can pretend that they are somewhere else. For the first time he realizes that Seven didn’t even ask about them. He gets the feeling it’s not because she is not interested, but maybe there is no question about it. About him and Elnor. He is the only one asking questions, really. 

And Elnor is just sleeping. He is, of course, unconscious, sleeping, resting. Even after repairing the damage done to his body, at this point, actively to the collective connected Nanos would have started to transform, to assimilate him. That they haven’t… Maybe for once, it went alright. Maybe for now, it’s alright. 

But _ maybe _ is just a word people use if they try to ignore what is right in front of them, because it’s too terrible to accept. 

He turns his head to the side to look at Elnor’s face. Relaxed. Calm. He thinks about before when he looks at him. How Elnor saw him in pain several times now, and Hugh just… never really thought about it. The thought Elnor could get hurt physically never even really occurred to him. Emotionally, yes. But it’s been two extremes, killed or leaving. The space in between, he did not think about it. About how he could get hurt and recover. About pain. Now it’s all he sees, and all he never wants to see again. Not anyone, but especially not Elnor. The thought even makes him nauseous and he closes his eyes again. He won’t sleep, of course, not with all that happened only so short before. Even if it’s all to real now as to overwhelm him. He knows how it is - it’s going to catch up with him when it’s all over. When the tension loosens, then he’ll break. For now he is tired and confused, and that is all he is. A tired and exhausted xB with his head on his arms, watching his romulan best friend. He goes with best friend in his mind for now - maybe they are more than that, but how would he know? He has exactly zero experience in love and while he is certain that he experiences some form of love for Elnor, he lacks the data to confirm what form. What Soji said is true - they love each other and they need to talk about it. But love is tricky, it has so many faces he only theoretically knows about. One of these faces is what he feels for Elnor, it’s more than friendship, yes, and it’s different from how he feels about Seven of Nine. Scratching this out is still not helpful, though, there is so much length between all of it. Because yes, he loves. With all of himself and all he is, and he needs Elnor to know that, when they will have time, if they have time some day. And of they are both still alive, of course, conversations with dead people is awfully one-sided. Even if it’s the morbid truth that most people Hugh loved are dead, dying, betrayed him or left. And then there are Elnor and Seven of Nine. It should be a rule that, since it’s only two people, the whole business should be made a lot easier by the low numbers but no, even with them he has a hard time finding out what he feels. It’s nearly as exhausting as his whole day had been so far. Hugh wraps the sarcasm in his thoughts around his mind like a cocoon for now. It’s his shield sometimes, a form of humor keeping him safe sometimes. It brings peace. Everything seems a little less like the end of the world with a different point of view, and in that moment it’s all he needs to fall asleep, even if he tries so hard not to.

* * *

Elnor opens his eyes to almost-darkness. He doesn’t wake up, really, he snaps back into his body as if he’d been outside of it for some time. A strange sensation, unpleasant maybe even. He isn’t sure, since he has never felt anything like it before. He is awake now, and turns his head to the side - bed, green light. Something in his hand, blood, oh. Right, he was stabbed. He remembers getting stabbed, but now it’s like it didn’t happen to him. Still different than a dream. Losing blood, and somehow, that thought had been hilarious to him. It’s concerning, now. How it made him laugh even more. 

He turns to look back at the ceiling and maybe he should test out how he is - moving his head doesn’t cause any pain, which is… something. He closes his eyes and lifts a hand to come close to where the wound had been - is it still there? His fingers meet skin, it feels rough and he gasps when he carefully proddes it. Not fully healed, then. Sensitive, but not wet. He isn’t bleeding out anymore then. There is also something wrong with his arm, but it’s not as bad. He hears the rustling of clothes and a crack.

“There you are” Hugh sounds tired. Elnor didn’t even notice him and looks over to where his voice came from. He looks tired, too. And it makes no sense to him, why is he tired? The pieces of the picture in his mind move slowly and he frowns in remembering. Here he is - that sounds like...

“Have I been gone?” He clears his throat, his voice is too rough and with his free hand, he pinches the bridge of his nose. Free hand, because lay on his other and still has his fingers wrapped around it loosely. It’s ridiculous, but he is sorry that he woke him up. 

“Almost” It’s the almost that brings it all back - because he almost died when Narissa got away because they were only almost fast enough… 

  
  


“Narissa” he pants and Hugh lets go of his hand, puts it on his shoulder instead, steadying, trying to hold him down but Elnor tries to get up anyway. He might be hurt, but pain is only something happening to his body, and it really doesn’t hurt as much as he would have expected when he swings his legs over the edge to get up, but nearly falls forwards. While laying down, nothing really seemed too wrong. The wound, or former wound, really, pulled, yes. It hurt a little, like a dark bruise but not more. He is not prepared for the nausea that takes over when he sits up, or how the rooms starts spinning, how his ears are filled with ringing, much less for all of it happening at once. 

When he can really hear again, Hugh is talking to him.

“You’re alright, just breathe. It will pass, just bloodloss, I couldn’t exactly replace all the blood you’ve lost, so it’s likely to make you react that way” He sounds more like he is assuring himself than Elnor, but still his face lights up when Elnor takes deeper breaths and looks at him, really. He wants to get out of here, even if it’s just because in the dim light, Hugh looks terrible and he hopes it’s just the light and not more. He has a hand on Elnor’s arm, the other on his shoulder, the cut isn’t healed and it confuses him, but only for a moment. He has no experience with this - it’s the first time getting this badly hurt for him and frankly, all of it is scary. For a moment he thought he would pass out from the feeling in his head, and if that alone could hold so much power over him - how is he supposed to control it? How is the pain supposed to be just in his head? 

“I told you, not so fast, you might be healed but you’ve been out for… some time” How long? Back to the reality, he needs to know, calculate the time they lost and find a way to get to the others, to find Picard. What kind of warrior is he, and more importantly, is Picard okay? Is Hugh? 

“Where is she? Did she hurt you? The others?” He gets out and squeezes his eyes closed when the dizziness worsens. He is alright. Just his body. He can deal with it, he has to, he learned how to do it. He has to deal, even with the room spinning and even with his head so heavy he wants to lay it down and still filled with wool. He has to. Hugh sounds further away than he is, but concentrating on his voice helps somewhat.

“Taken care of, by Seven of Nine. She and Soji showed up minutes after…” He doesn’t need to finish the sentence, Elnor does it for him

“I got hurt - my sword?” Where is it? He can’t see, he doesn’t yet try to open his eyes for now. It was his own weapon she used, she took his sword and stabbed him. Nearly killed him. The  _ nearly _ confuses him. It should have been fatal, and he is fine - almost fine. But he lacks experience with serious injuries on himself, so that is one explanation and enough for now, since he has to focus on the primary issue. Narissa, sword, Hugh, Picard. The safety of the last two.

“Your sword is back! You talked about it, since it’s important. And it’s right here, Seven brought it back. She is with the xBs now” He feels Hugh get on the bed next to him and in a crooked way from days before, hesitantly putting an arm around his shoulders. Elnor doesn’t lean on, he fears that the nausea could take over, and he feels Hugh withdraw immediately. 

“Picard?” He blinks 

“With Soji and the others, according to Seven” 

“You?”

“Better now I know you’ll survive. I thought…” he shakes his head and Elnor ends the sentence in his head. That he thought he was dead for a moment. It’s not surprising, Elnor didn’t think he could survive. He shouldn’t fear death. A warrior doesn’t fear death, to die is to be expected when confronted with a lost cause. He always thought, because it’t the way he had been taught, he would not fear it either. Which is not true. He had been afraid. The cold, the dark. 

  
“I’m alive” he says it quietly and only now leans on. He is too tall to put his head on Hugh’s shoulder, and realizes too late that it’s his head, which is wrong, he is tired but this must hurt. Height difference is a real problem like this, while lying down is definitely not a problem, and holding Hugh, the other way around is not as easy. 

“Yes, you are” It’s not a satisfying answer and they both know it, but Elnor doesn’t know what to answer either now. He lets action speak and while looking around, gets his feet on the floor

“Slowly… Don’t overexert yourself, I am still not sure-” he stops there. Elnor can’t miss how he doesn’t look at him in talking, how he is focused on everything but Elnor, how his eyes dart from walls to door and cupboards. 

“Sure about what? It doesn’t really hurt, I think. I am just sore” 

“Are you still dizzy? You lost a lot of blood, we replaced a lot but still. I am not a doctor, I know neuroscience but not…” he shakes his head, “not any basic humanoid medicine. I’m sorry” 

“But you did  _ something _ , otherwise I would not be alive” It’s just a fact. He is curious about what exactly he did, since all the machines look just as dead to him as they did before. However, he doesn’t really know a lot about it, so he is just curious in general. For the first time he understands why Hugh looked so uncomfortable and even reluctant when he thanked Elnor for saving his life. Why he struggled to find words. Not it’s Elnor’s turn to do so - it’s hard to find words. So hard. 

“Yes… Yes I did, I-” He doesn’t want to tell him. Why not?

“What is wrong? I’m fine, whatever you did, it worked!” He reaches for Hugh’s shoulder, because touch always works when they both see it coming. Touch is a constant between them, and he wants to reach out and hug him. Wants to tell him that he is okay, and he knows, he already knows Hugh will blame himself for it. Maybe that is the problem? Because as soon Elnor touches the cloth of his shirt, he flinches away as if burned. For a terrifying moment, he is helpless again. Like in sickbay and like in the corridor today, when Hugh panicked and Elnor had absolutely no idea how to make it easier for him at first, and then found out that the only thing he could do was to be there. It’s no solution now, just being here doesn’t help. Hugh is upset and Elnor doesn’t know how to help. 

“You did nothing wrong, are you hurt? Can you not breathe again?” It’s the only options he can really think about.

“I am not so sure about… Yes, it worked. But we had no power, no… Nothing was working, no equipment. Soji searched for it, I did. Nothing was even remotely functioning - why are you asking if I am alright?!” Now it seems like he can’t breathe again, “You got impaled, Elnor! You nearly died,  _ you _ ” Yes, he did. 

“Yes, and it seems like somehow, you miracled me healed then” he can’t really stay as calm and patient as he would like to, Hugh is upset and Elnor, well, he knows what to do in theory but he is also aching all over and Hugh just makes  _ no sense _ at all, “I don’t understand why you are reacting like this, to me it seems like you saved me, but you act as if the opposite were the case!” 

“Because it could have been! Easily!” Oh. This could be it.

“I am sorry” Elnor’s voice is soft when he reaches out again, “I truly am” 

“What? Why are you sorry? I almost got you killed and…” He runs a hand through his hair before even seeing Elnor’s outreached one, but doesn’t take it.

“I should have seen her, and I didn’t. I should have known it’s a trap when she ran, and I became distracted” With Hugh...

“With me, because I panicked, I was useless again. And she nearly killed you, I am the one who needs to be sorry, and I am. So sorry” 

“I am supposed to protect you. And I didn’t” Elnor reminds him, but it seems to be the wrongest he could say - Hugh just shakes his head and stumbles back two steps.

“And I am supposed to… To find ways, to act human, even if I am not, and I used the damn Nanos to save you!” it’s only half shouted because his voice breaks in between. 

“There was no other way, but there had to be, because this could have gone so wrong. What if I turned you into a Borg? Because can I be a hundred percent sure that won’t happen? None of this has ever been tested before, and-” The pieces fall together. Nanos. For some reason, he is not surprised. It’s strange, because until a moment ago he didn’t even think about it. And now it seems just like something he is curious about.

“Nanotechnology? Like we used back on the ship?” He still asks. They’ve seen a lot in the last few weeks, Elnor got picked up by Picard, the Borg, the Artifact, everything about Hugh. He thinks he should be upset, because of the risks and because Hugh is but… he can’t be. It’s a little like he knew already just that he did not. Or maybe, with everything that happened, he is just not surprised by anything anymore. Him being alive seems so unlikely already. 

“Yes, I… I am so sorry, it was the only choice, you were bleeding out and-” he swallows and closes his eyes, “And you can hate me for it, I understand. But I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, much less here”

It’s more of a confession with closed eyes than an apology, and it makes his heart flutter. Because why would he hate him? Elnor knows how he must have felt, the desperation of losing a friend. How can he hate him, when he  _ knows _ ?

“It seems like you saved my life with it, which is something, you completely ignore so far” 

“What?” Hugh’s hand, previously fiddling, stop in their tracks.

“Do you think I’ll turn into Borg?” A Borg? Borg-ish? Borging? Borgy? He is not sure about wording here. No, Borg sounds right as it is. 

“I don’t think so, as per their usual programming, they should have started immediately. We reprogrammed them for medical purposes, since they require much less energy” Hugh’s answer sounds almost automatic and he runs his hand through his air again. It sticks out to all directions already, he only makes it worse, and Elnor has to keep himself from only following the movement of his hand.

“I don’t hate you” He hopes Hugh didn’t mean it, but he needs to tell him, “I could never hate you, I don’t understand why I would” Hugh seems to want to say something, but Elnor shakes his head. He is not finished yet, not with his thoughts, not with the topic, but they don’t have enough time to unpack all of it. “And I don’t feel … different? I am certainly not glowing” Like Hugh did when they activated the Nanos, ”And…” when he now puts his hand on Hugh’s arm, he doesn’t flinch away, “And I trust you. Even if something goes wrong, I trust you to fix the problem”

“I don’t understand how you can” It’s almost whispered, confused, so confused. He only looks down to the floor and Elnor just wants to jump off the table and pull him close, because that is what they do. At the very least, they are there for each other, to assure one another. At the very least, he can be here to make sure Hugh knows that Elnor won’t hate him, won’t stop trusting him, even if they should be on the move by now, he needs him to know that if nothing else.

“Then I’ll make it my cause to make you see that” It is already too late - he made Hugh his cause long ago, not because it’s lost, but because he loves him, as simple as that. But his words make him look up for a moment, and it’s all that matters, that he looks at him. 

“What if you find that I am a lost cause, after all?” The desperation is in his voice, in his face, in how he puts his hand on Elnor’s and it’s trembling. He truly believes what he says. 

“I told you before - I can always find you, if you are lost” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been... something. Two parts still coming, one happy, one... well. We need to resolve the Nano-Problem, am I right? Would be poisonous to not do so 
> 
> Bonus:   
> “Am I magnetic now? Can I stick to walls?”
> 
> “Elnor, not with ten Nanoprobes in your bloodstream, who are all burned out. And in general… no!” 
> 
> “So you are not magnetic? What if he hug and stick? Since it’s your nanoprobes?”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, yeah, might I add that I... am hiding now?  
> shoot me a question on tumblr @strangestarlightmusic


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